# 112- I need to blog more often

I can't believe I let an entire month go by without posting anything. This is not good. I need to make time. I need to write. I have a lot of stories to tell.

# 111 - My Savior

 I have God to thank that my gym routine has become my savior. With the almost unbearable work-related and personal stress that I been going through the almost-daily routine from 7 – 9:30 pm has given me a way to escape into a place where I can just be happy and feel good about myself. Yes, perhaps 2.5 -3 hours at the gym is really pushing it, and I don’t really know how this is going to effect my health but I believe with all my heart that InshAllah it will do me good.

Weight training is something which I have to do to tone, but what I love most is cardio, especially running, running for ages on treadmill. It at times drains the life out you, you feel like your heart and lungs might explode with exhaustion, but you feel alive, the pain, frustration and anxiety that you have experienced during the day burns out of you in a great steam of energy.

 By the time I get home I am usually beyond exhausted but you know whats the best thing about that? I’m too tired to think, and hence too tired to worry. This is the best drug I have ever come across and I hope I never kick the habit.

# 110 - Ever try that?

Have you ever tried to do something that you haven't tried before? Did it ever work? 

For example have you ever tried just kicking a habit that you had been stuck with for a long time? Not just tapering it off but just changing like *snap* cold turkey?

Like one day you just stop having caffeine, or start going to the gym, or stop watching that Godawful indian drama series that your mom insists on watching everyday, or sometimes just stop interacting with those people who have become bad habits?

There are a few people I know who have become bad habits for me, and I need to stop talking to them. Trouble is, sometimes I don't know what to think.

# 109 - Gym

I have finally started going to the gym! It's been a month now and it's been helping me feel better. I have not lost any weight in pounds, but I lost in inches and am generally feeling better.

My trainer said that my metabolism is slow and I need to keep it revved up by weights and lose calories by doing cardio. I also, as we all know need to eat 6-8 small meals a day instead of 2-3 big ones. This is the biggest challenge and it really is easier said than done. Espcially if one is working. Imagine, I need to pack 4-5 tiny lunch boxes when I go to work and half the time I end up not doing it. It is so much hassle. Plus all the work stress these days leaves little time to actually think of so many things to eat during the day! 

My workout routine is the following

Monday: Upperbody weight training + 45-60 minutes cardio

Tuesday: Lowerbody weight training + 45-60 minutes cardio

Wednesday: Core training+ 50 minutes cardio

Thursday-Saturday ( repeat of Monday-Wednesday)

All this easily comes to about 90 minutes of exercise a day, 6 times a week. *gulp* I haven't really gotten into the routine yet. It's only my first week on this upped intensive plan. Hope it goes well, I need to lose 4 pounds by the end of October!

# 108 - Frozen inside

Lately I've not been able to blog, not been able to comment on any of the blogs I follow ( sorry) not been able to read the books I want do, or meet the friends I miss. 

Work has lately been drowning and draining the life-blood out of me. I have not been able to think straight. I can't get my self to do anything apart from that, I feel like a zombie.

The only positive thing that I have managed to do is that I have been going to the gym (finally!) but that coupled with my unhealthy eating habits and irregular sleep patterns has done something strange. I have lost weight but my body chemical composition, fat percentage, bone mass etc has become worse! My trainer says that it is because I not drinking enough water and that I am actually...not eating enough at the right times. ( I was basically just having brunch and then dinner at work) I guess I need to rearrange that now.

I just needed to put things down on paper, so to speak to get this out of my head.I'll try to make more sense in my next post.

#107- The way I jinx electronics

Are you one of those people who somehow, without doing anything, manage to eventually ruin every piece of electronic machinery that they have? From MP3 Players to watches, nothing is safe.

Why does this happen and why does this happen only to me? In the past 7 years, I have been through 6 cellphones, a gazillion watches, 3 mp3 players, 3 laptops, 4 laptop chargers, and 10 mobile phone chargers. I am not careless, I take care of my things, I really do! But somehow they just manage to fall apart in my hands.

I think they ought to send to me disable those American nuclear devices that are hidden everywhere.

# 106 - It's not you, it's me

Inspite of it all, I am ready to forgive you, and forget everything .In fact I already have. But we cannot be together anymore.

It's not that I don't love you, I just love myself more.

# 105 - Take a walk with me.( Here we go again) – Part 1

I feel it coming once more, here we go again

Where? Where are you going?

Well, well are not literally going anywhere. I meant it metaphorically

I knew that, I was just saying.

Oh. Okay then. But let’s pretend we are going somewhere, would you like to walk with me?

Sure.

Sorry, it is getting a little dark here.

Where are we by the way?

In the deep recesses of my mind

I see, is that why it is so dark in here?

It is not always so dark, sometimes there is light

Ok, but why not now?

I am not sure. I think I know the reason, but I might be mistaken.

Alright, shall we keep walking in the meanwhile?

Yes, I suppose we should, we need to find the light

It’s been a while now; do you even know where you are going?

I think I do, I hope I am not going around in circles.

Let’s just keep moving and see what happens.

I think I need to rest a while

But why? Why now? When you have almost gotten through the darkness?

I don’t ….. I don’t know. I don’t even know why I am doing this.

It is the right thing to do.

Are you sure? What if I should turn back?

That is something only you can answer for yourself.

If I could, then I wouldn’t be asking you

What I say does not matter. You need to decide for yourself.

You are right. Damn it. This place is like a maze….wait! I think I see some light in the distance

You do? That’s great! Let’s get to it!

No. Not right now. We must rest

Why? Its so close!

I know. I want to get there eventually But we must wait a while.

Ok, if you say so.

How much longer will we have to keep sitting here? I want to get a move on!

Not that long. Do you hear that?

Hear what?

That! That voice. It’s saying something

I can’t hear anything. Maybe only you are supposed to hear it.

Maybe.

# 104 - My city burns and my heart bleeds

I live in Karachi, one of the largest cities in the world. 18 Million people, a hundred different cultures, the industrial and commercial centre of the entire country, torn apart by warring political parties with innocent civilians getting caught in the crossfire.

We have become so immune to this violence that we simply forget what happens from one day to the other. 

I have some pictures of my city, and you will not believe that this is the same place....on different days of the same week.

 

 

 

 
 

 

 

How much longer will this go on for? For how long can we remain resilient before we completely break down?

# 103 - Random scraps of poetry and prose -*edit*

3I have a lot of things due on this blog. To give updates on my (trying) to eat healthy routine, my trying to save money , and write some book reviews. I am in a bit of a rush to do all that now, so I will just write about something else for now.

A while ago I wanted to write some prose on this blog, but then I decided against it. However, I would like to share some scraps of beautiful poetry/song lyrics that I have been hearing lately. I am sure that a lot of you must have heard them before, but I still wanted to share what was special to me.

First of all is ( at the risk of sounding so typical ) is a song from Coke Studio Season 4. 

For all those of you who are not from India/Pakistan, Coke Studio is a Pakistani television series featuring live music performances. The program focuses on a fusion of the diverse musical influences in Pakistan, including eastern classical, folk, and contemporary popular music. The show provides a platform for renowned as well as upcoming and less mainstream artists, from various genres and regions, to collaborate musically in live studio recording sessions - and this of course has been created and produced by Coca Cola- gaining immense popularity in Pakistan, it is now popular in India as well,with India producing their own version of the series.

Please, I request all non-Indians and Pakistanis here to google it, I am sure you all will find it very interesting. :)

So the song I was talking about is 'Panchi' ( Bird) - by the band 'Jal' and singer 'Quratulain Baloch'

Here is the link:

Panchi

The translations are not exact, but they are done so to explain the 'essence' of the song
 Since this song is a real favorite these days, I have edited this post to add in the whole song :) 

Panchi Hoon,
urne do,urne do
Hawaoon se larne do

Raste galiyaan...chhodh aya main
bhoole vaade todh chala main..
ye raat abhi dhal jayegi..
ye baat abhi badal jayegi..

main tanha hoon..
rehne do, rehne do..hoo
aansu hoon,
behne do

Tere Ishq mein jo bhi doob gaya,

usay dunya ki lehron say darna kya?

TRANSLATION:

I am a bird, let me fly,
let me fly
let me fight against the winds


I have left the old streets & roads behind
I have broken my long-forgotten promises
This night will pass 
These words will change


I am alone, let me be
I am a tear, let me flow

Whoever drowns himself in the love of God

does not need to fear the stormy tides of this worldly life

The next one is a song from a Bollywood movie,Delhi 6 called  'Arziyan' ( The requests)

Link: 

Arziyaan

Arziyaan sari mein chehre pe likh ke laaya hoon
Tumse kya mangu mein tum khud hi samjah lo
ya maulaaaa....

O Ek khusbu aati thi
O Ek khusbu aati thi

Mein bhatakta jata tha
Reshmi si maya thi
Aur mein takta jata tha
Jab teri gali aaya
Sach tabhi nazar aaya

Jab teri gali aaya
Sach tabhi nazar aaya

Mujhe mein woh khusboo thi
Jisse tune milwaya

( All my requests I have brought, written over my face
What do I ask of you,/ you perceive it all yourself....
O Lord, lord, lord, my lord,
O Lord...

A fragrance used to come,/ And I used to roam, lost,
It was a silken illusion,/ And I used to gape, aghast,
When I came to your street,/ I saw the truth...
The fragrance lay within me,/ you introduced it to me...)

Well these are two of the songs which I am really liking right now.

Basically the message they give is,  'you need not look too far to find the answers, everything you seek is already within you - and God can help you find yourself'

I will try and upload and entire playlist soon as well!

Hope it was inspiring!

# 102- Titled Untitled

Remember the protest week that I had going on? Ah, it brought me such peace and quiet. I seem to have forgotten my leanings from that. I am now going to put it back into action again. (although not in such an extreme way)

There was been way too much information in my head lately. Need to clear it out, by letting it 'evaporate' instead of sharing. That is why I am not writing it here! :)

In other news, I really need to get back to reading. I used to spend at least 2-3 hours a day reading back in school, and now it just seems like there is not enough time. I really miss those days when I would spend hours with a book. Now I have decided that I will restart it again. It will make me also, stay at home more, which will lead to me;

1) Spending less money, which will in turn help me save money to execute my long-term 'master plan'.

2) Eat less food from outside and therefore eat healthier.

3) Have some semblance of peace and quiet in my life for a change. 

Here are some of the books of my to-be-read-list.

Typical China VS Russia Spy stuff- with probably America saving the world in the end *eyeroll*

Second part of an AMAZING series. Overshadowed only by Harry Potter and LOTR

Love anything & everything by him, so will read it regardless

# 101- No time to breathe & cubicle wars.

This is the second of July and I am already going crazy. I have a favorite cousin over from Belgium and we together have a million things to do, a million relatives to meet and a million weddings to attend.

Along with all of that I have been going crazy with a cubicle war at work. There was this girl who went on maternity leave for a whole YEAR and when she came back she had her eye on this cubicle that I already had been sitting in. Since she is two levels of management senior to me, I think she was automatically assuming that I would quietly get up and move once she got there. *eye-roll*  This is exactly how the convo went:

Her: (Walking in and putting all her things on my desk) Hello how are you?

Me: ( Looking at her in shock WTF is she doing!) :Er... hi ( get your stuff off my desk!)

Her: Oh so will  I be sitting HERE? ( pointing to where I was ALREADY sitting)

Me: (Trying to look as calm as possible) Er.. I am sitting here!

Her: ( Giving an EVIL smile, and patting me on the head): NOT FOR LONG......

Me: :S.......

Anyway, I KEPT on sitting there and she kept hovering around my desk hoping I would move- I didn't dare. I didn't even get up to go to the bathroom. By the end of the day, I was feeling sick. But least I held on to the place. 

I may have won the battle but the war is not over yet! Let's see what happens on Monday.

# 100 - Someday I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday

I've lately been having dreams of escaping this place, of getting away. Not just for a vacation, but permanently shifting out of this place I am in. I am truly beginning to feel that professionally, academically, financially,and personally, there is nothing left for me here anymore. 

I need to make a move. I need to be out of this place, out of this country, and leave everything behind. It is not about wanting to 'run away', it is about 'moving on' with life. Sort of like having a start to a 5-year plan. InshAllah.

I feel uneasy, like the calm before a storm, and I need to remain collected and get out before it is too late. I need to start and act immediately, and I cannot let anyone get in my way. Everything is just going to go downhill from here, and I don't want to be around when it crashes.

# 99 - WOW

Today, I had a few moments of infinite, beautiful clarity.

It was much needed.

Thank you God. You are the best.

# 98 - You think I'm weak, I think you're wrong.

Is it not just the most annoying feeling in the world when people underestimate you? It can be in the field of work, or study, or usually, and more commonly you will find, that people think that you are 'weak', or not emotionally strong enough to bear/undertake/withstand this, this or that.

It angers me to no end. I am not afraid to ask for help if I need it, I know that we all need to sometimes, but if there is anything that I hate is being pitied or taken for granted. There are two aspects to this:

1- Pity : Oh dear, look at her, such a lovely girl, pretty, from a good family, well-educated and earns a decent income,  why o why can't she find a good guy? POOR THING, LETS ALL PRAY THAT SHE GETS MARRIED REAL SOON BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY SHE MUST BE DESPERATE TO GET MARRIED -IT'S NOT THAT SHE HAS A LIFE OF HER OWN, AFTER ALL, ISN'T THAT JUST THE ENITRE POINT OF ONE'S LIFE?? 

.... I mean excuse me? 

What the f*** is it to you if I am in my mid twenties and not married yet? Am I living on your money? Do I look like I am desperate all the time?. Of course I want to settle down some day, and soon, but why can't everyone just leave that up to me, it is my life is it not?

2-Being taken for granted : This is my favourite one. It has happened with me at least once, or maybe twice, in my life, that I have been severely taken for granted. Just because I have been over accommodating it has been assumed that I will never really take that step and say 'STOP' or that I will always be there to take crap when it is presented. I won't. I have only done so far, because I cared, and I still care, but all my caring just stops a tiny weeny bit short of a little something I'd like to say is called 'self respect'.

 Learnt it the hard way, and I am still learning. Baby steps I guess :)

I feel much better now that I have vented. Let me share a picture of myself with you all. I normally would not- not really my 'blog-policy', but eh, what the hell, just this once.

I'm beautiful in my way, cause God makes no mistakes :)

# 97 - A nice weekend and some clarification

The last weekend I spent was really interesting. I finally managed to see a movie that Furree Katt and I had been wanting to see for the longest time:

Yes.

It was different from the book, but nevertheless, really, really, really creepy :s

This was one of the creepiest parts of the movie:

Come play with us...forever and ever and ever

After the movie we pretty much spent the rest of the night analyzing how it was different from the book, and kept getting weird  looks from Furee's brother and mom ( who also saw the movie with us- but had not read the book yet). Actually, if you have not read the book- it is a pretty lame movie.

I would like to make a mention of the director here, Stanley Kurbick, who is known for his talent in making 'unsettling' movies. Here is another one of his directed movies also adapted by a really famous novel called 'A clockwork orange' by Anthony Burgess. First read the book before you watch the movie, or else you won't enjoy it.

This movie also ends differently from the book

We even went online later on and discovered some blogs exclusively related to the movie, ( The Shining)  I can't really remember the links right now but I will post them soon.

As far has the clarification I was talking about; I heard through the grape-vine that quite a few of you do don't know how old I am.

Any guesses? :D

# 96 - God Bless the broken road

The above line was taken from a song sent to me by a colleague of mine. I have simply fallen in love with it. 

Many times in life, bad things happen to us, and when they do, it seems like our whole world is falling apart. Everything we dreamed of shattered to pieces, sometimes the wounds don't heal, but sometimes,( and more often than not) these shattered dreams pave the way for something bigger and better that we had not even imagined.Some times we just need to have a little faith;

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through

Faith in ourselves,but more importantly faith in God. Do your part as much as you can, but if things fail, don't give up,if your plans falter, don't lose faith- it just means that God has a better plan for you that you are not aware of. Islam tells us 'The Best of Planners is God' - 

Of course with us being human, it is easier said that done- we just love to complain :)

I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Sometimes I feel that we do need to experience the 'bad' in our lives so that we can truly appreciate the good when it finally comes along.

Every long lost dream, led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way,into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

# 95 - What am I forgettting?

Noways I feel that there is something constantly nagging me at the back of my mind, telling me that I am forgetting something.Especially with stuff regarding office work.I have gone over my to-do lists over and over again, but I just can't seem to figure out what exactly I am not doing. I hate this feeling, it makes me feel all queasy in my tummy.

I have a few more 'thorough' blog posts in the mental pipeline which I shall share soon-until then.

# 94 - 'It' doesnt matter because you don't matter.

You don't. Not in the long run at least. As per one random facebook status update I read : 'How much do you invest in something that is doomed to failure?'

Yes, it is doomed to failure indeed. You are a stranger, actually. I barely know you, I didn't even know that you existed until just a little while ago, and if it is doomed to failure, then I don't want to know you in any context.

I think that's for the best.

# 93 - Responsible Blogging (Not)

Nowadays with everything that is currently happening in my dear country, I feel like it is my moral responsibility to blog about it and put in my two cents worth.

But I am not going to.

Don't we hear enough of it on the news?  :p

I'd rather just blog about myself/share an amusing anecdote or just ponder out loud about how life sucks/is so wonderful/whatever else I might be feeling at the moment. 

Isn't that what blogs are for? ; That you can share anything, say anything and have friends, (aka fellow bloggers) read and understand. 

One never has to be 'be careful' of what they say, have a fear of appearing too aggressive, too needy, too confused. It does not matter how old you are, what faith you follow, or how much money you have,the blog-world understands and accepts all.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if the real world could be like this too?

# 92 - I wish I was more like you,and you, and er... you too.

I have realized that I really do not give myself enough credit. I am too good and I deserve better than what I have been given. I do not blame God for it, I only blame myself.
I accepted what came my way, even though I had the power to say 'screw it' make something better for myself.

This picture seemed relevant....somehow

 

If you notice a lot of my blog posts are about this. I sometimes feel like I have self-esteem issues,major ones. I have been struggling to get past them, it's not like I have not made
progress,but it is so hard, so difficult sometimes.How much longer will I take before I can say 'I just don't give a damn" and really,really mean it?

I want to not care or be bothered by a lot of things. Have you ever noticed that it's usually the most cold-hearted people, the ones who don't seem to give a crap are the ones who seem to be the most loved and admired? What a sick irony of life. I don't want to become one of them, but sometimes I feel that in order to survive, I will have to.

It's disgusting,really.

# 91- 'Shadi Mubarak' to Kate and William and how facebook went crazy on it.

Quick translation for those who don't speak Urdu;

Shadi Mubarak = Congrats on your wedding

So today was the royal wedding, no one at work was working until 3:30 pm,which was after the vows had been taken,and as expected, everyone on facebook had their own opinion of what was going on. Some of my friends were lucky enough to be in London while the whole thing was going down, and er...boasted accordingly on their status updates.....like this:

Oh my God...FLYING Balloons!!....whats next?...cellphone that makes CALLS?!! *GASP!*

Apparently the fact that the balloons were...er..flying was the big punch line here. Truly,truly amazing. I would never have expected that.


Then there are some people who were so inspired, they thought that they were royalty and wanted the other sister,not realizing that, er.... William was the prince, not the other way around.

And some who were inspired in other ways as well.

Some were actually funny.

haha- I mean it.

LOL

This one was by FAR my favorite:

and it's original

And some who were just being plain smart-asses copying from joke websites:

Thank you Sickiepedia.com

 Some boasted their knowledge of designers.

and some...... well. you decide for yourself :)

I am so going to hell for this.

Please forgive me God.

# 90 - Prose anyone?

I've been reading a few blogs lately which write some awesome prose. A lot of it is very emotional, sad, touching and other emo words which I can use to describe them but cannot think of right now because I am half asleep as I write this.

I've been thinking of giving it a go myself,I have written some of it down, and it's pretty emo. I am reluctant to post it because I am afraid of sounding like I am a lovesick puppy/depressed/suicidal/attention seeking/needy - which I would really like to think that I am not. -_-

I really want to post them,but I feel that I will just feel stupid about them once they are 'out there' and then want to delete them, which will make me feel even more stupid.

I really do not know what to do.

# 89- There is a ghost in my bathroom!

oh yes there is.

I've been meaning to post about this for some time now as well - but somehow have not managed to yet. (As is the case with a lot of my posts-but this one has been a major exception) Maybe it is this that is preventing me from exposing its evil secrets:

I am pretty sure it's not this cute

So the reason for my suspicion is that there have been some rather strange phenomenon in my bathroom for the past few months or so:

1) The Water:  The hot/cold water balance seems to have a mind of its own. Living in Karachi,Pakistan, you would have to know that you are extremely fortunate if you do not have any major water problems in the area that you live, which thankfully,I don't. The water works fine in every part of the house except for MY bathroom. Everytime I have to wash my hands/take a shower the cold water suddenly stops working and all im left with is boiling hot water to burn my hands,hair and other cannot-be-named body parts with. Whenever this happens I have to just stop whatever I am doing and just wait with soap in my eyes,hair etc until all of a sudden the cold water starts working again.


2) The Spiders: Normally, house spiders are normal, non-threatening creatures that like to mind their own business and don't really bother you if you leave them alone. BUT WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE IN MY BATHROOM?!!!

I iz in ur bathroomz watching you poopz

There is nothing interesting in my bathroom for them, except for the occasional mosquito or two.So why would they be there? I have no idea.

3) The Dust- Ok this is just me being lazy and blaming it on the ghost. But you never know.


 

# 88- The family wedding and my family and other animals- Part III

Its been some time since I posted and before I give you the details as to where I have been, I need to finish the due post on the wedding. So first things first, let me continue the story (which has probably lost its charm by now) and just get it out of the way.

A few random funny things happened, mostly inside family jokes which you guys will probably find really lame... and then we all went home

The end!

Whew now that that is out of the way, let me begin afresh.

# 87 - Rant

I know, I know I was supposed to write part 3 of 'The wedding post' but I haven't really 'ranted' on my blog for the longest time, been just keeping things to myself and it's time I just let it out.

Ever since my protests, things have been better, but, now I have realized yet one more thing: I care too much about what people think. I need to be more assertive. I really, really need to not care. This does not mean that I turn all 'bitchy', but I really need to keep in mind is what I think is more important than, well not everyone, but what I think is more important than what a lot of people think.

I need to be more assertive, and not fret when things turn tense.

So there you go now, no more Miss Nice Girl.

# 86 - Thank you!

I have been very blessed to be blessed ( is that a real phrase?) with not one, not two, not even two and a half, but THREE blogger awards this past week, and I really really want to thank all those who presented me with it.

First of all, Thanks to Lev [ I don't know his real name ;) ] from The Diary of a Liar for presenting me with the versatile blogger award. He's a great writer and for those of you who haven't yet, should really check his blog out.

 

 

Next I would like to thank Sana Castellano from  A life worth living her wit and humor always brings a smile to the face of anyone who reads her blog, it's like magic! She presented me with the 'The Nice Blog Award'

 

and last but not the least I would like to thank the adorable Maryam from The Different Girl who thought I was stylish ( Yaay!) and gave me this:

Ok, and now to award the awards to other people; I have already done so previously in another blog post for 'The Stylish Blogger' and 'Versatile Blogger' HERE and ALSO HERE. 

So now I am left with 'The nice blog award' which I present toooooooo:

1) Lioness without a pride - She is one of the nicest and sweetest people I have met online and her blog is really  worth a read.

2) AL !! - Her blog is hilarious! I love it! and it always, always makes me L(augh) O(ut) L(oud)!

There are other blogs too,but I have awarded them previously. I do not follow as many blogs as I would like to, due to lack of time, cause I feel that if you follow a blog, that blog becomes your friend, and you should comment on it regularly,not that just follow for the sake of 'following'   :)

Thank you all!  and I will continue with the 'Wedding Post' next time for sure!

# 85 The family wedding and my family and other animals- Part II

OK, I am finally continuing this post , when I left off we were off to the event in an entourage of cars, me with my parents and the cougars maid, while she was off gallivanting with an unwilling guy, one-third her age.

So we were going in the car, all cars moving in file, being careful not lose sight of the cars in front. ( For some reason, even though the venue was at a really well-known place, no one seemed to know where it ACTUALLY was).And of course, as expected, we kept losing sight of cars on the way and kept having to stop at random sides of roads waiting for the others to catch up. It always, always, ended up being on some lonely wayside where I would have to keep looking around in fear of  the next 'mobile snatcher' who would turn up and take my precious ( and recently purchased) blackberry away from me.  :O. So I put it on silent and hid it under the seat in front, (which was a little stupid cause  it kept vibrating with  notifications as I was incessantly texting Furree Katt, and my other cousins with updates as to what was going on. ( I was very bored).


Ok, so we finally reached the venue ( which was actually some navy museum) and it turns out that out of the 7,893 cars that had come along together, only THREE were going to be allowed inside. So we all had to park faaaaar away from the actual gate and then walk all the way inside. Even from inside the gate, we had to cross a small park, an effin DRAW BRIDGE ( yes, it was an actual draw bridge, wobbly and all, with ravines below!! - well, maybe not ravines, more like 3 feet of water, but still, it was pretty dramatic) and then another mud laden path before we got the actual marquee.

Everyone was complaining about the long walk, and was also wondering that how would the bride with her over-the-top heavy clothes and make up that Pakistani brides tend to have.Anyway, we started the walk FINALLY after standing in a group for 10 minutes, discussing how long and annoying the walk was going to be. My mum ( who hates exercise) was I think most annoyed by the prospect of having to walk the quarter-kilometer or so went like this:

Me: Okay, come on mum, lets go
Mum: (after taking three steps) Uff! What a long walk!


At long last, after ruining my precious three-inch golden heels in the mud, we entered the marquee, and everyone ran to get to the table which was nearest to the food arrangement/pedestal fans/opening in the tent so that we could get some fresh air.


Finally all seated, I went back to my observing of the events and people around me, once more making notes for my blog for all you precious readers to read.

[ Ok, I am getting a little tired now and am tempted to break this point into yet another part and make in into a complete wedding 'trilogy' but I don't know if is going to be such a good idea or not,it's actually lunch time at work and the India-Australia match is going on, whoever wins will play us in the semi-finals and no one is sure who we rather be up against. Long story short, everyone is watching the match in the employee lounge, no one is working, and I am getting distracted from this blog post for the moment]

# 84- The family wedding and my family and other animals- Part I

Confusing title, I know, but anyway I thought I'd share some random funny things that happened a relatives wedding I attended a few days ago. As we all know every wedding has their own funny stories, every family has their 'from Mars' relative, but somehow I feel that we Pakistanis really take the (wedding) cake.

The wedding was of my first cousins son, who is actually my nephew, but is actually older than me cause his grandma, who is my dads sister is at least fifteen years older than him, hence my cousin is older and me and so is her son. Confused? So am I, and that is what my extended family is like.

Anyway, so since we were from the 'boys' side of the family and hence the 'baaraat' or 'wedding party' as you could call we we all had to first assemble at the boys house and then leave together in an entourage of cars to the wedding venue where the girls family would be, waiting for our 'istakbaal'  ( welcome).

So my aunt, ( the boys grandmother) tells my dad, ' we have to assemble really early, be at my house at a quarter to eight!! SHARP!"... My dad is like 'oh sure sure OK'. This I found out when I came home from work at 6:30 pm. My Dad was like

Dad: Somkey!!! ( thats's not my real name,duh, but anyway) Smokey. hurry up and get ready we have to leave in an hour!

Me: What? What? Where why? I thought we were going to the wedding?!

Dad: We ARE going to the wedding now hurry up!

Me: Dad?.....It's 6:30, what kind of wedding in Pakistan starts at 7:30?

Dad: It's not starting at 7:30, we need to be at your aunts place by 7:45 and then leave at 8 for the wedding venue

Me: Dad, please, for heavens sake, what wedding on earth starts at 8? Please, let's not leave before 10

Dad: Beta, are you crazy? No no no. 7:45 MAX we leave now hurry hurry hurry hurry.

At this point my dad just kept on saying 'Hurry Hurry Hurry Hurry', until I was like 'okay

Okay okaaaay’

Anyway, so I got ready, and tried to delay our leaving as much as possible and still did not manage to postpone the eventual till 7:55 when we stormed out the door with my dad grumbling about how late we have already gotten and how he was sure that everyone must be impatiently waiting for us. *eyeroll*

So we get there at like, 8:15 and the whole place is silent, quiet. Not a sound in sight ( haha not exactly sound in sight, but you get the picture.

Mom: What? Have they left without us?

Me: No,way. Haha I bet they are still in their pajamas

Dad: No, beta please, it’s already so late…let’s go see.

Aaaand when the front door opened we were greeted by the grooms bro…in his pajamas

Dad: Son, you’re not ready yet?

Grooms Bro: No, Uncle, I’m just getting ready, It’s only 8

Dad: Your grandma told me to be here at 7:30!

Grooms Brother: Hehhe, Uncle, come on, you know everyone here operates 2 hours late when weddings are concerned.

Here let me pause in my story to tell me you the mechanics of  a Pakistani wedding,

Everything goes by PWST (Paki Wedding Standard Time) which means GMT+5+ 2( added for the wedding schedule) If someone expects you to come at 10, they will say be there at 8, if you want your guests to arrive at 9, you need to say 7. Don’t make the mistake of saying 9, or else, you’ll have people start coming in at 11, which ruin the plans for you.

Ok, anyway, so now we are there, sitting around, getting bored as hell, looking at everyone running around in a flurry to get ready.  It gave  me a lot of time for observation though. I made lots on notes on my phone which helped me get a lot of material for this post.

One of the first things I noticed was thing ‘cougar aunite’ who was sitting in a corner with a sly smile of her face. She, I later found out, was the grooms mothers BFF from another city who was visiting. She promptly went up and started chatting up…. *Gasp* My dad. Hahaha It was so funny, she just randomly went up to him  and started telling me about how the lady at the parlour messed up her hair and make up and how she was really disappointed and how it’s so hard to find someone to do good makeup for you.

At which point her eyes landed on me

Cougar Auntie: ( pointing at me) See! I want make up like HER, and look what that cow did with me

Me: eerr. heh heh… thank you?

Cougar: Yes yes your eye makeup is very nice

Me: ( now feeling a little proud) Thanks!....I did it MYSELF”

Cougar: Oh wow, that’s good, now I want you to come over and do my make up for me for the next wedding event. ( which was 2 days later)

I said there, frozen, blinking, thinking that no, she did just not ask me that, me go over to her house and do her make up? ….I didn’t even know her name!! Talk about creepy

Me: Er… um oh I’d love to but, I-I-I can only do make up for myself, I really can’t do it for someone else, it’s some hand coordination problem that I have…( which is funnily, the truth, I cannot even put eyeliner for someone else without messing it up, but I can manage fine when I do my own makeup- I do not know why this happens)

Anyway, so I got out of that mess.

At this point it was 8:15, and everyone was still rushing around, someone could not find their shoes, someone else could not find the camera, etc etc the usual commotion that takes place in a wedding place, and we were shifted to the drawing room where a bunch of other unwitting relatives, like us, had made the mistake of arriving early.

So, everyone is sitting around making extremely boring small talk and I was furiously typing away notes on my phone in the form of texting Furree Kattt a over-by over commentary on whatever was going on.

 I was typing away on my phone when this little kid ( The grooms 8 year old cousin) comes up to me and starts to inquire what I am doing:

Kid: What are you going? What is that? What are you typing?

Me: I’m writing messages on my phone…

Kid: Why? Why are you doing that? Who are you typing to? Show me show me!!!

Me: No, It’s er….for WORK! I can’t show you

Kid: (making a grumpy face) Everyone always tells me that whenever I want to see what they are typing ( angrily stomps away….thank God).

So at this point it was 8:30 and there was no sign of anyone from the grooms immediate family being ready to leave, even the groom himself was MIA. Turns out he had been at a photo shoot for the past 10 hours or something.

Well finally at 9:45 everyone got ready and bumbled out of the house to sit in their respective cars. ( I kept giving my dad ‘I told you so’ looks, but he just ignored me, haha). We were just getting into our cars I had just sat down when suddenly I turned around and got the shock of my life, the ‘cougar auntie’ was standing near the car door trying to forcibly open it! I was like

Me: Errr… jee?

Cougar: Open the door!

Me: ( I got worried at what was so urgent, but keeping caution, I just rolled down the window instead)

Cougar: Do you have room in yout car for one more person?

Me: (thinking, oh God, she wants to sit with us, well… at least she the ride to the venue will have some entertainment) Oh sure, of course.

Cougar: Great! ( after which she promptly runs off to the car parked in front)

Here I was thinking that this hag has definitely gone mad when she was back dragging a maid by her arm and shoved her into my car next to me

Cougar: oh we have no place in that car, can she sit with you?

Me: oh, sure.

Cougar: Great! ( and then runs off back to her car)

Anyway, so we were all going to the venue, one car following another when I passed by cougar's car and it turns out…. There was PLENTY of place in her car! In fact, she was sitting all alone with the grooms younger brother ( who is about my age)

The poor guy was looking VERY uncomfortable and the cougar was all smiley in a satisfied Cheshire-Cat kind of way….

 

Wow, this is turning out to be one long post, as not to bore you all. I think I’ll split it into two parts and share the details of the rest of the events in a subsequent post.