# 87 - Rant

I know, I know I was supposed to write part 3 of 'The wedding post' but I haven't really 'ranted' on my blog for the longest time, been just keeping things to myself and it's time I just let it out.

Ever since my protests, things have been better, but, now I have realized yet one more thing: I care too much about what people think. I need to be more assertive. I really, really need to not care. This does not mean that I turn all 'bitchy', but I really need to keep in mind is what I think is more important than, well not everyone, but what I think is more important than what a lot of people think.

I need to be more assertive, and not fret when things turn tense.

So there you go now, no more Miss Nice Girl.

#77-

Do you ever feel un-thankfully dissatisfied with your life?.

When inspite of having so many wonderful things ( a roof over your head, food to eat, friends who care about you, a job that pays well) you feel anger, frustration, and sadness over the most trivial of things? When nothing makes you happy, and what you want, or what you think will make you happy is not really that important at all.

Does that make me a bad person?

# 76 - Protest Day 6 , the long awaited weekend, and my learnings from this week of protesting

Ok. Today was the sixth day of my protest, and this is what I have learnt so far, if you start to ignore everyone:

1) Annoying People at work will get intimidated by you and give you more respect

2) Your friends will keep asking whats wrong and be so worried for you, you will need to pretend everything is ok

3) People who sometimes bug you ( just for the fun of it) will think you are mad at them and be unusually nice to you ( I got 2 chocolate cookies today and a subway sandwich for free!- ok that just sounds cheap)

4) The or two people whom you really care about, will be genuinely worried for you, even though you might  have confided in them have given them a hint that your protest week is going on

5) Your boss will be extra nice to you, even if they are nice already

6) People will think you are angry at them, and approach you with caution.

7) You feel a weird sense of calm

But I have also learnt that one cannot keep a protest on forever, it has to tone down and eventually end. Being a hermit never solves anything. But in due time and small doses.

Thank you for supporting me throughout my protest. There are still 4 more days to go 

( re-starting Monday) 

I hope  that during this weekend I will post somethings that are less... self absorbed, you know like on global warming or something That's my next step, to blog about more socially relevant topics.

# 75 - Protest Day 5

Ah well, It's still going on.

I think I am starting to intimidate people now. Even my Boss, ( who is usually real nice to me anyway) is being nicer than usual and not asking me to do too much work ( aaand I hope I don't jinx it now).


I hope I don't turn into a permanently grumpy person though, you know, the kind who have a scowl on their faces no matter what their mood is:

Yup, that's me. These days at least

Well, 5 semi-successful days, and a few more to go.


On another note, a dear friend dropped off a huge lot of movies at my place and he keeps asking me how I liked them. There were like 15 at least and till now I have only seen..... 1/3 of one.

I just don't feel like watching them nowadays. Ever since the TV in the outside lounge got repaired and I am saved from their -hogging-of-the-TV-to-watch-everything-except-that-what-I-want-to; I am catching up with the idiot box.

# 72 - Protest Day 2

Ah the 2nd day of my protest and the weekend is already here. I suppose that happened since I started it in the middle of the week.

As of course, it had to happen that today was the day that so many people just wanted to talk to me,and be extra nice to be for God-knows-what reason. It did, admittedly make me feel a little smug about the whole thing. There I was busy working way, head phones blaring on loud, listening to angst-y teenage music ( Eminem) which was fueling my bad mood further, but did manage to speed up my work for some reason as well.

I was doing fine but then 

(voice behind me) [insert my name] !!! what are you doiiiing?

Me: Nothing, I'm working

voice: Why do you look so saaaad?

Me; I don't. I'm busy

voice: hey you have some movies I  could borrow?

Me: Not now!

Voice: i want to eat a big sandwhich from Dunkin Donuts!  ( this was a hint for me to accompany him)

At this point I gave the person such a dangerous look that he just thought the better of it and stopped the conversation. I felt a little bad though,he's one of my best friends at work, and also as mentioned before, one of the people I am least disliking right now, but what to do?

Sometime later ( from various  co-workers):

Hey! We are ordering Mcdonalds! want some?

Hey, here! have a cookie ( A packet of oreos comes flying from above and lands *SPLAT* on my laptop, breaking half  of them)

 Hey why arent you eating any food?

 Here! I got you a coffee sachet! 


Hey, you want some jellybeans?........
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Hey, whats wrong why do you look like a zombie today?  ( yeah that happened too)


At which point  just decided to pack up and go home. Well, at least I got cookies,jellybeans and a free cup of gourmet coffee.

I plan to keep my protest on though, not against anyone, now it's more just for me.

# 30 - Can't Sleep. Won't Sleep

It's almost 4 am, in fact by the time I finish writing this is will be way past four, and I cannot sleep. I hate it when you stay awake past 2 am and then you get past your sleeping threshold and then it's just....insomnia. That's the time when I spend searching for random articles online, download random songs, go through photo albums of the random est  people on facebook ( who by the way, have no idea what 'privacy settings' mean, - and which does not really matter anyway since facebook sells all our info to third party marketers anyway- you seriously think Mark Zukerberg or what ever his name is that innocent? How do you think he became a billionaire at 25?)   

I have digressed. As I was saying, I hate this time of the night, it makes me think of every thing wrong with the world, even if something is not that bad, the night seems to magnify the issue, which makes sleep go away even further, I hope they daytime comes soon, things always seem better in the daytime.

At least I am home though- I feel safe- At least in someway.

Yup it's past four am now, I think it should be daylight in an hour or so, I hope it comes soon, I am contemplating going for an early morning walk and then coming back and sleeping till the afternoon-which should hopefully help while away the Sunday- oh did I mention I totally dislike Sundays?.... They used to remind me of going to  my  nanis house for lunch, or being taken to sea view for a drive, or a family get together or picnics.Now they just hang over my head telling me that Monday is right around the corner-

Growing up sucks.

# 28 - Nothing Really- part 2

I'm sitting at home on friday night with nothing to do, no one to talk to except me and my blog. It's really become a good friend to me now. It's a good listener. I'm so bored today, it's depressing. I'll have to think of something interesting to do tomorrow. This really will not do.

On  a lighter note - I am getting a pet cat! yaaay! I can't wait.He's not born yet, ( and I am totally assuming it's going to be a HE" but his mom is preggers with him and once he is old enough to be on his own, say in a month.He's miine. I've even thought of a name for him, E.L.V.I.S cause he is going to be a rock star! :)

# 26 - Bad Mood

Life can be so unfathomable sometimes. Sometimes I just don’t understand why things have to be the way they are. It’s horrible, wonderful, beautiful, ugly, cruel and kind all at the same time. A mélange of contradicting feelings, emotions and experiences .I experience all of it. At once. It’s sometimes too much to take. It over whelms to the point that it becomes hard to breathe. I feel fascinated & repulsed. I am thankful and yet I resent. I feel strong and still broken into a million fragile pieces .I do not know if I am strong or weak .I guess I am both. The overall feeling has me weakened to the point of no return, yet I manage to hold on, to smile, to laugh out loud, to love and to pray.

Have I actually managed to do away with the bad and keep the good? Or I have just become so used to the bad being a part of life that I just live with it. Ignoring it for the most part.