# 74 -Protest day 3

And so goes on the third day of my protest.  Good. People are starting to get used to it now, and have stopped asking me if I am suffering from some kind of disease, nor have they been bugging me as much.

I avoided the small talk as much as possible as well. Let's see what the rest of the week brings. If I feel that I can
just shut myself off from everyone for long enough, my demons of paranoia will go away.

On another note,

I lost 5 pounds! yaaaay. and now, I am at 99! Just 9 more to go and I'll be at my goal.

Before you freak out, I am not anorexic. I'm just a shade below 5 feet tall. So it looks okay if I weigh that much.

My old clothes have started to fit me again; this calls for a celebration:

We are the cause of our own undoing

# 73- Tomorrow is Monday and today is Sunday

Oh how I am dreading this Monday, this week has been a downward spiral, mentally,emotionally,professionally and a few other 'llys' as well.

And as usual its all my fault for not letting it be. You know what I do? I meddle too much with my own life, and then I regret it.

I say things and then I wish I did not, I do things and then I say oh crap.

Remember the 'protest week'? well I did it for 2 days at work and it helped!  so now, I am going to take it a step further and for the next..umm... 2 months I am going to expand my protest to outside work as well.

I shall have minimum interaction with anyone inside and outside of work until things get sorted out on their own, I will not speak to anyone  unless spoken to first, its not a matter of pride, its like one of those silence oaths those Indian/Buddhist Yogis take for self purification,  that is the only solution to water pollution. haha sorry, lame joke.

But seriously, from today, I am going to truly, leave it up to God. My work life was one step, and it showed improvement, my real life is the next!

This is one place I have that I can talk about my feelings out loud and I am so thankful for that.

Right now I need this to console me:

Drowning my Sorrows

# 72 - Protest Day 2

Ah the 2nd day of my protest and the weekend is already here. I suppose that happened since I started it in the middle of the week.

As of course, it had to happen that today was the day that so many people just wanted to talk to me,and be extra nice to be for God-knows-what reason. It did, admittedly make me feel a little smug about the whole thing. There I was busy working way, head phones blaring on loud, listening to angst-y teenage music ( Eminem) which was fueling my bad mood further, but did manage to speed up my work for some reason as well.

I was doing fine but then 

(voice behind me) [insert my name] !!! what are you doiiiing?

Me: Nothing, I'm working

voice: Why do you look so saaaad?

Me; I don't. I'm busy

voice: hey you have some movies I  could borrow?

Me: Not now!

Voice: i want to eat a big sandwhich from Dunkin Donuts!  ( this was a hint for me to accompany him)

At this point I gave the person such a dangerous look that he just thought the better of it and stopped the conversation. I felt a little bad though,he's one of my best friends at work, and also as mentioned before, one of the people I am least disliking right now, but what to do?

Sometime later ( from various  co-workers):

Hey! We are ordering Mcdonalds! want some?

Hey, here! have a cookie ( A packet of oreos comes flying from above and lands *SPLAT* on my laptop, breaking half  of them)

 Hey why arent you eating any food?

 Here! I got you a coffee sachet! 


Hey, you want some jellybeans?........
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Hey, whats wrong why do you look like a zombie today?  ( yeah that happened too)


At which point  just decided to pack up and go home. Well, at least I got cookies,jellybeans and a free cup of gourmet coffee.

I plan to keep my protest on though, not against anyone, now it's more just for me.

# 71- When, if not now?

Nowadays all I want is to be free and feel like doing anything I want with no one to tell me what to do. 

I feel like staying out late, chilling with friends all the time, getting up late for work, wearing jeans everyday instead of only on 'casual friday' and not have to answer to anyone.

I want to go on an exotic vacation with 2 or 3 of my closet friends and not have to bother about the expenses it will incur. 

This would be nice

I feel like I'm acting out my teenager-ness at the age of twenty-si.....never mind. But seriously, when, if not now? I was more or less a goody-two shoes as a teenager, never did half the stuff teenagers get up to these days. But now I feel that since I have a job ( Thank God) and I manage my own expenses, and have finished my MBA ( with a very good GPA) and gotten out a relationship that had defined every goal I had for the past 7 years; I feel like just doing what I want all the bloody time.

 

It's not that I have no freedom at all, but if I go out more than twice week, I get grilled at home for it. ( For my foreign friends- where I come from,living at home with your parents in your twenties is as normal as moving out when you start college)

But I guess this feeling will pass, there is probably another underlying reason for it.What that is you might know.... if you would have read every blog post of mine since the beginning of time!

# 70- Protest Day 1

Captains log:

Stardate: 17022011 

1057 HRS

I hereby start my my week-long protest of not talking to anyone at work.

Not really working yet. 

I have already had pointless small talk with 3 people, the only worthwhile conversation with was my boss and my assistant and it was all work related anyway. About those 3 people, well, they are the ones I am least disliking right now so it was not that bad, but rules are rules and I am going to adhere to them.

The first picture which showed up when I Googled 'protest'

Ok, so as I mentioned in my last post, I am sick of everyone, and therefore need a break from unnecessary human interaction (cats are OK though)

So here it starts. Let's see how it goes. I am going to put on my head-phones now, all these people talking talking talking around me is so annoying. I love my work environment, but sometimes it's as noisy as a stock market amid a major crash.

                                   

   

Well, I better sign off now before someone peeks over my shoulder to see that I am not working, have a deadline to meet at 5.

I didn't even have breakfast. Just a few bites of an apple that began to smell really 'rusty'.. you know how that happens with apples? The whole iron thing they have going on.

This might improve my mood though:

I couldn't even find a decent picture online. bleh.

# 69- Title in Progress

And that is how it shall remain. It's 6:00 pm and I am still sitting at work, deciding whether to go home and get some exercise (finally) or to stick around and attempt some work.

I think I shall go home. Today was a mildly annoying day. Remember the post I posted about change? Well, I have been working on it, not talking much, keeping to myself, and it is STILL so annoying that now they happen to be so many people that just cannot seem to mind their own business!

Asking and asking questions that they have no business to ask and it's really starting to get to me now, I mean like, I don't constantly hound anyone for info, so should they do it to me?

 Thats it! I am going to step it up a bit, I am not going to start ignoring people now!! I can't have people just assuming bakwaas ( rubbish) about me.

# 68 - Everyone loves a conspiracy theory, or; there is NO spoon! you're the one, Neo!

 I always used to have a over-active imagination.I grew up watching the X-Files and I loved every bit of it, and it was from there that my passion for wanting to believe that there was more to every thing 'out there' than what we just saw at face value.

       Yeah,like that  

Well, The X-Files was just a first step, then came 1984, and random late night shows on the Discovery and History Channel talking, and then of course 'The Arrivals' a documentary made by what can be best described as student level film makers who made so many people truly believe that the whole world is secretly being ruled by evil Jews people, who are brainwashing every person on this planet with their own evil agendas of world domination.

Well, to be honest, I don't really have anything against people who are Jewish,Christian or anything for that matter.To each their own, but what does amaze me is how so many people over the years have actually come up with such unbelievable stories as to what is really happening in the world, and they seem so far-fetched but said with such conviction and such strange proof that even the most hardened skeptic has to pause and give it a thought

Below are some of my favorites ( not favorite in the sense that I believe them 100%, but in the sense that, well, no matter true/false they may be, you have got to admire the theorist for being creative!)

1)  The Free Masons are ruling the world and have infiltrated every major financial and media institution and have been preparing the world for the coming of the Anti-Christ for the the past thousand years.

     EYE I want to believe

2) What Holaucaust?  ( Ok I really hope I don't get into trouble now)

This is just a conspiracy theory ok? I am not propagating anything, I am merely saying that this belief exists..somewhere out there.

3) We are all actually plugged into the 'Matrix'  ( I could even find a quick link to this one! *GASP* what does that really mean?)

     You'll have to settle for a picture

4) This one is just despicable- I won't even comment. If it is true it's the worst of all

There are tons more out there, whats the one you find most intriguing?

#67- Time for a change

I'm really quite tried of the way things have been going with me lately, I feel that I have been acting stupidly regarding too many things, overreacting, be too much, or sometimes responding too little. Its begun to agitate and annoy me now. Too many things just seem wrong lately. I need to stop having small everyday things which are TRIVIAL really, to effect me so much and get me down. I think something is wrong with the alignment of the stars 

Yeah, something like this.

 I am really beginning to think that I should STOP talking about myself, I earlier used to think that it is good and healthy to share and that it makes one lighter, but I think I do it too much- heck- I'm doing it right now on my blog! ( but that is permissible, I think)

 

 

I talk to too many people, I share my problems with too many of them, and here comes the big one: I am wayy to nice to too many people who don't deserve my 'nice-ness'. There I said it. I am so sick and tired of feeling so conflicted all the time as to what I said/didn't say might have been right or wrong. I am sick of trying to 'fix' things by 'doing' and 'saying' from today, vow, that I am going to accept that there are somethings that I just need to leave ALONE and let them  get fixed on their own.I just need to let.it.go. There are more important things I can do with my life, and me being super paranoid about everything does not really help either.

I'm so tried of being here

Suppressed by all my childish fears

So if you have to leave;

I wish that you would just leave 

So, there you go. Time for a change indeed. Let's hope it is positive and confidence-giving. I am going to post an update on my weight-loss goals next!

# 66- I need to catch up on reading ( and unfinished books)

Everyone loves a good book. At least I do. I spent a large part of my childhood and adolescence reading as a major pastime and it is something very close to my heart. I would read as much as I spent time with family, worked or watched TV and I loved it. 

But then work started... OFFICE, and my reading habits slowly began to deteriorate, not because I did not enjoy reading anymore but because I simply did not have the time anymore. Hell- I don't even have much time to blog these days I am talking about reading!.

You can see my list of favourite authors on my profile, so I don't really need to list them here, but there are some books which are on my reading list since forever and I have not managed to finish them yet. In fact I have them, in my room, half read, lying around, waiting to be completed.

Thanks to Furree Katt for the recommendation

SPOILER ALERT: This is part 2 of the Wicked series.

This is a good book, I have only read 1/3 of it, but I can tell it's going to be good.

Anyone a fan of mental asylums in the 60s? If so, this one is for you, again I have only read 3/5 ths of this, but I can't wait to see how it ends.Something tells me its going to be sad though :(

# 65 - My Blogger Award -Part 2 and long over due

Hello All,

Yes, sorry been gone for ages. Just busy with life, bleh.

Ok I am going to get over with this as soon as I can before I lose my resolve:

7 Things about myself:

1.   I am a cat person, I love cats, that is why my alias is Smokey Cat
2.  I love crosswords; they are my favourite time-killing past time, but now scrabble has been added to the mix
3. I can eat 3 times as much as I usually do, I just control myself so I don't go all 'beach ball' I have lost 8 pounds since I began this blog and I am very proud of that
4. I am obsessive about my cellphone(s)
5. I love to read, a good book makes warms my heart and makes me feel all happy and fuzzy
6. I find blogging very therapeutic, when I am feeling down it makes me feel happy
7. I bought a pair of grey jeans yesterday and I am very excited about them ( ok this was lame, sorry)

Ok here are they people I want to award

Furree Katt for The Jackky Bhagnani Obsession she has awesome journalistic skills for someone so young and her life updates always touch the heart.

Kamila for  Basket of Dreams her posts always give you something to smile about.

That Blonde Guy for The Nerd Archives this guy writes amazing, he could be a writer one day.

Experiment House for Pocket Spiral Notepad for very entertaining snippets of random topics- the kind of blog I like a lot.

Zabrinah for How not to fall in love - Very sound advice on human nature and matters of the heart.

I don't even follow more than 10 blogs, ( not because I am choosy, because of I barely get time to update my own blog, I don't want to follow a million and then neglect the ones I follow)

OK done!

Yaay, and hopefully will update something worthwhile to read soon, I have some ideas in my head

# 64 - My blogger award.. Yay! -Part 1

So I got my second blogger award! The first one- 'The Versitile Blogger was given to me by Furee Cat  Furree Katt from The Jackky Bhagnani Obsession and now my second one from Kamila from Basket of Dreams who bestowed this blogger award to me, and now I am going to show it off to you guys:

The versatile blogger award is also there on the right hand side panel ---->

Ok for both awards I need to write a few things about myself and award some as well, this I will do in the second part of my post coming up very soon.

# 63 - I can't find any decent word games online

I really can't.

I tried Yahoo! games but for some reason it is not working. This is most annoying. I have used up all the crossword puzzle books that I had at home and frankly for I am done with crosswords for a while. ( Although they are my favorite nerdy pastime at most times)

Everytime I do find something, it always has some string attached to it, either you have to pay for it, or it's only on a trial basis or some other damn problem.

I want to find something for free!

# 62 - Missing keys,clips,receipts and parallel universes

Have you ever had a hairclip, a pair of keys, sunglasses or some other random item just disappear into nowhere from right in front of your eyes and remain missing for an indefinite amount of time only to resurface in the most unexpected place hours/days/weeks later.

A worm-hole traveler in your very home

No one knows where they go, or how they come back, no one comes and goes into your room except for you, yet these random items seem to appear and disappear out of their accord.-Sometimes from your very own handbag.

I am sure I didn't even need to ask this to anyone in my opening sentence, it happens with everyone, and there is only one logical explanation for it:


The parallel universe.

Yes. It really exists A self-contained separate reality coexisting with one's own, and sometimes these little odds and ends somehow vanish into the other world, so that we can be bothered by their absence until somehow they manage to return.

For somereason this does not effect people, I wonder why, I would rather like to see what Oz is like.

# 61 - All lame indian songs still remind me of you

Oh yes they do.

They make me think of the old days, when we were just kids chilling in school, and everything was so carefree, everything was so perfect. The future lay stretched out in front of us like lovely wondrous plains waiting to be conquered. We were so giddy with excitement to begin our journey, to take that first step,which would be the first among the thousands to reach to the place where we dreamed to be.

We went through hail and rain and sunshine and storm, there was darkness and light, tears and joy, no matter what happened we still managed to go through

Then why did our steps falter so close to the destination?

It's all your fault.You lost the strength to carry on. Material things tempted you and all what was before was forgotten. You changed, and that changed me.

I hate you for it, because I am someone else now. I talk to other people, I have different friends, I look at life differently than when I did before.I am independent, and I am strong, and I don't need any one to take care of me.

but then, why do all lame Indian songs still remind me of you?

# 60- oh dammit! FBL - (facebook life)

Happy New Year all!

Welcome to my very first blog post of 2011. Ok, so getting to the point. I'm sure all of you internet buffs know about FML ( f*** my life) and MLIA ( My life is average), websites where people come and post their life's most messed up,embarrassing, or just plain average moments.But I think none of them can compare to the amount of 'facebook induced' incidents which plague our lives everyday. 

 There is no escape. There is no hiding from it.And there is no privacy.

It is so funny how some people are so, well, I won't use a word as strong as 'obsessed' but well, you could say they take face book so seriously that one would think that it's a matter of life and death.

Every post, every ‘like’, every comment is scrutinized for seem deep hidden meaning that is always aimed directly at YOU.

‘oh my God, did you see that? I changed my display picture and everyone commented on it except for her, she is so totally jealous of me, I don’t believe it- HOW RUDE”. – and they will go on and on about how jealous the individual is – the fact that the person in question might have not even logged on to facebook in three weeks cause they actually have a life will not cross their minds!

I have a rule that I like to stick by, usually. That is –

Whatever happens on facebook, stays on facebook. The end. It is not be considered a part of real life nor is to be taken as seriously.

 Someone made a catty remark on your ‘oh so serious’ and philosophical status.- It does not mean they are out to get you, nor do that fights that seem to ensure on a controversial status update or post

‘He was rude to me on facebook, therefore I will not talk to him properly in person’ 

‘Really? What happened?

He thinks that my Farmville posts are annoying he wrote that on my wall- IMAGINE

Oh my God! That’s horrible! – BLOCK HIM

I do understand that sometimes people tend to mean things on facebook- uploading unflattering pics of the ones you want to embarrass, etc, but that is, I have observed. minimal in comparison to the all mountains out of molehills that people make.

They expect to be able to view everything on each of their friends profile, and you find out that you cannot see someones photos. You assume/deduce that you have been put on that much feared list- the limited profile

OMG I can’t see her photos, when the rest of my friends can. Whatabitch! – BLOCK HER!

This one is my favorite though and really takes the cake-where Facebook is the sweetest form of revenge ‘She was SO rude to me at the party the other day, what does she think of her self? I need to get back to her somehow I know!…. I WILL PUT HER ON LIMITED PROFILE.’ Yeah- like that is worst thing one could do to someone… heh.  

And so on.

The above post was inspired by hours of stirring conversation regarding FBL with my dear friend Furree Katt who owns the awesome blog The Jackky Bhagnani Obsession.