# 53 - Starting my journey ahead- now this blog is finally relevant

Ok, This is it! This is finally finally it. I am sick and tired of my unhealthy life style ( having mainly a desk job)  and at constant failed attempts at trying to get rid of these nagging 15 pounds that have been the bane of my life of the past two years! I have been cooking my own food for the past few weeks, been trying to get moderate exercise, but this just not seems to be working. I need to rev it up!

One of my best friends is getting married in a few months and I have to have to look good on her wedding, I am thinking of wearing a 'sari' to one of the events, and though it's not like I am really fat, I certainly don't have the look to pull of a sari at the moment.

So I have decided to start weight training, um, since the past four days. Oh man, it is waaay harder than it seems and takes a lot of you, it may only be 2 kg weights but I think it already shows a minor ( very minor) difference.According to the internet, a new exercise savvy acquaintances and a few health magazine articles it's the fastest way to lose weight and build metaboilsm. ( did i Spell that right?- whatever)

Ok, so updating here I am currently 14 pounds ( ideally 19 ) away from my goal. 14 should not be to hard right?- WRONG. It's when you have little weight like this to lose that it becomes hard! 

Anyway, so losing weight also means healthy eating and that means baking and grilling stuff is the way to go. For some odd reason since we shifted houses my dad bought this really cool stove.....but without an oven.I wanted to buy one but being a little low on cash these days received a generous donation from my uncle, low and behold:

Ok, so it's not really an oven, it's an old outdated type of oven-toaster. But it's the kind that is likely to work and will help me turn out nice stuff which looks like this:

 Ok, ignoring the pasta on the side, yes I am actually make stuff like this now. 

So hopefully my new friend the 'Oven-Toaster' will help me churn out healthy stuff which will help me get to where I need to be!

# 52 - Indifference is bliss, or is it?

Ever feel like you are forgetting things that you aren't really supposed to forget?

I'm not talking about Alzheimers, :p I mean if one is starting to feel indifferent about things that ought to matter but suddenly... they don't. It's not even about becoming uncaring with with a don't-give-a-damn attitude, it's more like the things which loomed over ones head for ages,things which you obsessed over to no end start to eventually fade.

It is supposed to be a good thing I suppose, but one gets so used to worrying that when the worry is not there it feels... weird! Like I am feeling now. I know a certain thing in my life is supposed  to bother me, that would be the normal thing to do, but recently...it's not.Am I supposed to be relieved? I don't really know!

They say time fixes a lot of things, I believe that too, but you would think that 'time' would also take some 'time' and move in an orderly manner- and not suddenly fast forward your feelings,thoughts and emotions to what you think they ought to be six months from now! It's not supposed to be so fast, that means it's gonna come back and smack you in the face- it's like being on a cabbage soup diet- you lose weight for a week and then it comes back on-with GAS!

How can one know for sure!

That's another thing I hate- not knowing! Yes, life in it's very nature is uncertain for all of us, but at least if one knows what they want they can focus toward it, if they don't get it, they can say 'chalo koi baat nahin Allah malik hai'  ( Does not matter, God will look out for you).

So to summarize, sometimes it sucks when you don't get what you want, but what happens when you don't know what you want?  Yikes!

# 51 Writing for the sake of writing

I have not written anything in the past few days- been bogged down by the Eid holidays. Doing nothing is really very tiring. I seem to feel more relaxed and alert when I am busy. I was actually thinking of taking a few days off work to get some errands done, but I have come to realize that I would probably end up wasting my time. The only time I would really like to take a few days off work if I were going for a vacation somewhere- which should be due soon, I hope.A place like this would be nice:

How I would love to take a couple of weeks off and go to place like this! Just to relax on the beach and breathe the fresh air.Get away from it all and come back refreshed and renewed

Ok, back to reality;

So, since tomorrow is Monday and this long long five-day weekend comes to an end. I find myself actually, mildly looking forward to it. See how enthused I am. Work starts in five hours and I am already, actually, still awake typing away randomly.





I am not too worried about being late for work, I am sure I shall manage- for once I have packed my lunch (A brown bread sandwich with grilled chicken and Tabasco sauce), ironed my clothes, ( same old thing I have worn before- I need to go shopping). I do need to clean out my handbag though, it's over flowing with recipts and gum wrappers. I think I'll do that sometime later this morning.

# 50- Eid, long weekends and loving goats

Eid Holidays and a five day weekend! A rare occurrence but nevertheless a welcome one. It's been a long time since I have had a long holiday like this- it's good, although just a little bit boring. Most of this Eid is spent in... you know how it is, I don't need to describe it.

Anyway, since almost everyone has their own funny goat-related stories to tell, I am going to tell mine; we had two goats which we kept at an aunts house, since they have a nice garden with lots of space for them to roam about. Really cute they were milling around seemingly oblivious to their impending doom- or were they? I don't really think so; cause my cousin saw them two days ago going full 'brokeback mountain' on each other if you know what I mean- yes they were both MALE. I think they were just trying to make the most of their last days. I am not going to judge- it's a free world. I was thinking that it would be funny if they were mountain goats, cause then I could call them 'Brokeback Mountain-Goats' :D

Well, that was yesterday, and this is today. The goats are gone and I am going console myself on their loss with a nice plate of lamb chops  * evil smile*

This is not really a picture of one of the goats, I just googled it and put this one on, I forgot to take any pictures of them

# 49- I 'think' i'm paranoid

Hence the thinking that I am or might be, paranoid might be a part of the paranoia itself-

I have been told that I tend to 'over think' and derive conclusions where they might not even remotely exist, and in the process drive myself absolutely insane. I try not to do this- but I always end up doing it- the over flowing waves of thoughts travel in waves from the impossibly positive( which is not technically paranoid since its connotation is negative) to the absurdly negative and my mood rides the wave with it. I need to find balance! 

Sometimes I over think to the point that it starts to effect my interactions with other people. I will be fine with them one day and then I'll get a about of thoughts from what could be ( or maybe could not be?) the most insignificant action of theirs and create a tornado of thoughts where there might be just a small puff of breeze.

I suppose I sometimes do this because there have been times that I have bypassed things as being insignificant and then have them get out of control and knock me off when I least expect it. Hence I think it's better- (provided you don't drive yourself insane) to be paranoid.

Ok since I have also made it a point not to just whine whine whine all the time, I am going to talk about something else. I started exercise again ( finally) here is to a thinner 2011.

# 48 - The pursuit of Happiness!

I wonder sometimes what is that makes a person happy, or what exactly causes a person to ‘find’ happiness. Is it luck? Karma? The fruits of your prayers? Hard work? No one really knows.

My dear readers, although I know most of you are young (like me) but are probably wise beyond your years ( unlike me) as you take out the time and effort to read my lovely blog, tell me, do you think it is true that a person can never be truly successful/happy/loved unless they are happy with themselves first? And that no one can feel good about you unless you feel good about yourself? Not ‘feel good’ in a proud way, but being content with oneself as an individual.  You know, the whole ‘loving yourself before you can truly love others’ thing – Others bring friends, family or whatever else. The logic behind this is I assume if you don’t need anything for yourself- as you are already content- then you can give freely to others. Make sense?  :S

Maybe there is some truth to this- if we keep pondering about how much our life sucks or  keep whining and complaining all the time- will it really help us feel better? No one likes a cry baby-

# 47 - Waiting for tomorrow

It's late at night and I am very sleepy. But I still write this because it was about time that I thought I should update my blog. It's three AM, and the insomnia has kicked in once more.I want it to be morning soon so I can get on with my day, run all those pending errands that need to be done.

I started typing thinking I would have a million things to write, but right now I am to sleepy to think- I'll probably watch mindless television or read a random book until sleep comes.

# 46- Breaking Free &The smell of winter time

Winter is the air! Finally, after months and months of melting in the heat, it is finally here. Yes, we have to put up with chapped lips and dried out skin and hair-but it's definitely worth it. I love it when you can smell the winter- it got that distinctive whiff that dries your nose from the inside and has this sharp pine like smell- love it.

 It makes me feel a multitude of emotions at once happy, hopeful, pensive, sober, sometimes sad and reminiscent or sometimes it just makes me day dream. I love wintertime nevertheless. At least I get to dress in my cute winter gear and look all….cute.

On another note, I feel that I am slowly molecule by molecule, breaking free of old habits and ways. I suffer the occasional setback, but I shake it out of my mind and set myself back on track again. ( I am not a recovering alcoholic or anything like that- but I might as well be- what I was on was the worst drug in the universe- IGNORANCE.) Maybe for the first time in a long time I am beginning to see clearly and I pray that God that I keep getting the clarity that is very slowly, like slime off a wall,seeping in. 
It’s a slow painful process, but it’s there- and where there is slime, there is hope.

(Ok, that did not come out as nearly as poetic as I had hoped)

# 45 Sunday 'Bizarre'.....

Finally Finally after ages there was something fun to do on a Sunday. i.e Sunday Bazaar shopping! I finally convinced my dad to take me along with a couple of my cousins. We left at about 12 pm and after hours of walking around in the heat, the sand and sun we back home covered head to toe in dust with our 'spoils of war' and it was totally worth it.

I love shopping at Sunday Bazaar, there is nothing that one cannot find there- from fake Gucci bags ( which look quite real) to Chinese rabbits to exotic vegetables which would even put the imported vegetables at Ebco/Aghas to shame. Do you know you get fresh broccoli there? At one-sixteenth the price and three times and fresh that would get at any fancy grocery store here. A real bargain if you are trying your best to eat healthy like me and are force- feeding yourself broccoli so I can feel cool that I am eating American Type vegetables. :p ( that was a joke- I swear! Down with America!- ok that was a joke too- please don’t shut down my blog Mr. Google :s)

Ok enough with the digressing;

Of course my favorite thing to get from there is BOOKS, books and more books. It is a book lover’s paradise! ( I know there are other places in Karachi where you get even cheaper books with a wider variety, but that’s too far away :P) Every time I go there I buy a truckload and I never get to finish reading them even until my next trip when I go buy even more books and so my book-unread book pile is growing more than ever.

Anyway back to Sunday Bazaar- one gets to observe so many interesting things there- I went to the bag section to see if there was anything good I could find – and I saw this woman at one of the stalls looking at wallets from all brands around the world. She picked up this little brown one which had .C.H.A.Y.N.AL printed in bright gold on its front, and her convo with the shop keeper went something like this:

Woman: Yeh wallets imported hain?

Shopkeeper: haan baji, imported!

Woman: (Picking up the C.H.AY.NA.L wallet) ‘Kya yeh original Chanel hai?”

Shopkeeper: Haan Baji. 100% original! From Paris!

I stood there watching in amusement and shock, I had at least expected him to say “First Copy hai”, and I almost went up to that female to tell her she was being made what was the first four letters of the “original brand”  but then I was like forget it- The shopkeeper has to earn. and the poor lady will at least have the happy feeling that she has an original Chanel- it’s better than no Chanel at all! Right?! So I decided to step back and let things take their natural course: P

Now feeling very satisfied with my good deed done for the day, I moved on to the next stall which was selling some rather good stuff for everyday wear at a great price, it even had a very creative poster which would one at least come and take a peek to see what was being sold- what are these 50 ROPES?? :D

Till the next Sunday Bazaar update then-

# 44- Eat.Pray....***PUKE***!!

Yes, that is EXACTLY how I felt after I saw this movie. THIS is what was supposed to be like a super hit? What has happened to peoples standards, I cannot believe people actually thought this movie was full of wisdom and enlightenment; it's more like Paulo Cohelo threw up all over it after eating some slightly off 'Chicken soup for the Soul' The movie is a blatant display of everything that is wrong and warped about the western world.

Ok, there is woman who is happily married, has a husband who loves her and a great job, she has friends, and lives in New York or something and thus I am sure she does not face any water or electricity problems like we do....and she is stilll unhappy! I mean what the-? Talk about being thankless! No wonder she is unhappy, she suffers from the main problem that plagues the western world ( and by the way is now starting to effect ours) it is : CHRONIC DISSATISFACTION......CHRONIC DISSATISFACTION! that is what it is! That one is NEVER happy with what they have, they always want more more and more, with no matter what they get from life. It is a example of being absorbed so much in your own petty, selfish world  that nothing matters but what YOU want and how YOUR problems are more important than anyone elses. It is no surprise that American divorce rates are so high and that the family structure is so easily crumbling, because movies these are encouraging people to live for themselves ALL the time, instead of for others. - Ok giving yourself some importance is good, and needed sometimes- but it needs balance, you are not alone in this world.

Julia Roberts is one of favorite actresses but I so disappointed with the character that she chose to play in this move- it was cliched beyond words- and annoying! I mean just look at her - breaking promises and those poor guys hearts like she does have a thing called a conscience - just cause she wants to what is that phrase again "find herself" Find herself my foot- no wonder she spends most of the movie being unhappy- it is karma biting her in the ass!

It is very difficult to really feel sorry or empathize with the main character- just because it is too unreal- and shallow- she thinks she has problems, she has lived her life in upper class New York and when she has a crises- she takes a first class trip around the world to solve them- how does that address a real persons problems?-not exactly inspiring- it is the stuff of teenage dreams and those people who think Mills and Boon is quality reading material *puke yet again*

Way too much escape-ism in this movie for me- I'd like to see you face the real world. BITCH  :D

# 43- Bittersweet Symphony

I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind. 

I feel free now.

But the airwaves are clean, and there is nobody singing to me.

# 42- groceries and more

I heart grocery shopping, and I love grocery stores, especially the bright,shiny air-conditioned ones with wide aisles, and all the colorful things they have so nicely arranged on the shelves. * sigh!* For some reason, they make me happy, lighten my heart and make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Grocery shopping is like a fun outing for me, as lame as it might seem to most of you. I take the biggest trolley I can find and zoom around the isles, looking at things, comparing prices, reading nutrtiional info, checking and rechecking my shopping list to see if anything else is needed. My favorite is course, the food section - no surprises there. I have a million recipes in my head and try see what all I can experiment with.

There are somethings which I hate in these self- service grocery stores, one of which are those damned BTL marketing people who stand there/follow you around with convincing to you buy/try something which you obviously don't have time for. It happened with me one time that I was happily going through the cereals section (hmmm Blueberry Special K or chocolate wheatabix?.. decisions  decisions..) Anyway my very important thought process was interpreted by this female in the wildly maroon coloured clothes and  bad make up:

 Her:'Hellooo Maaam, how are you?"

Me: "Err... I'm fine, I guess"

Her: "Great, I wanted to tell you, that did you know that hair loss is the number # 1 hair problem for women today"

Me: ( quickly adjusting my hair, trying to see if my bald spot was visible- damn it for me I am so short that most people can very easily see the top of my head :p) "Uh... really? Um...I didnt know that......"

Her: " Yes, and I think YOU could use this hair fall prevention cream it is.....dadadadda..." 

( after  which I pretty much zoned her out and just smiled and nodded hoping that she would shut up, and made my escape at the first opportunity I got)

Ok- moving on to the more pleasant aspects of the grocery store -Loyalty Cards! I simply love them, and I have one for my favorite  grocery store in the....well, city. ( I won't say which particular place I am talking about since I might have some potential stalkers who might be reading my blog and/or following me around - but let me assure you that loyalty cards are amazing, not only they give you discounts, but cash back as well which you can use whenever ones pocket becomes light. 

I HATE it when people do not have any courtesy while navigating themselves though the aisles, they just push you aside like it's not groceries, but Gul Ahmed having its annual 70% off sale.Please people- grocery shopping is an art, a very under-appreciated simple joy of life- cherish it.

# 41- Oh yeah.....work!

This blog, as I have mentioned countless times before was originally intended to be a diet blog which would follow my endeavors of weight loss and get me motivated to lose these annoying extra ten pounds that I have been carrying around ever since I started working.

Never really got around to that though, I just seem to write about every random thought that comes to my head. I am over all ok with it, but then sometimes I see the other blogs that people write. People who work in the advertising/media industry like I do and along with their "life" updates they post all these 'astute observations' about the current marketing/ ad scene in Pakistan,a long with their oh-so-insightful recommendations that would put Kolter to shame ( it was Kotler right?- been ages since I opened a textbook) ( TEXT book, I love reading books otherwise-just clarifying)

Anyway, not to be left behind, I thought that I should also share my  marketing wisdom with the world, but. but. but. writing about it is so TIRESOME- I don't want to make my blog look like a marketing class- no offense to 'The idea Artist' - which is one of the blogs I follow that one is good cause it is meant to deal with marketing, what does calories in half a teacup of whatever have to do with it?-  don't get me wrong, I love my job, being a media planner, although it being just a wee tip of the ice berg, is still very enriching job to have- learn something new everyday..... Ok done! I said something serious, grown up and marketing-ish, do I really HAVE to give my input now over 'Engro Rupya', or 'Mobile Hai Internet?'   

:P

A few Blogs which I find very read-worthy these days

The Nerd Archives    - cause Nerds are so cute!

The Jackky Bhagnani Obsession - awesome personal updates

# 40- F.R.E.E.D.O.M

And No, I will NOT appreciate any innuendos of ANY kind related to the title of my status, so don't you dare.

Anyway, I have always been a WHAM AND George Micheal fan, just purely for this music, I am not a gay rights champion, nor am I gay, nor a homophobe, I just like his music and I wanted to post bits of his song, cause it's the way i am feeling at the moment.

Again: You DARE make a joke, and I'll ban you from my blog!

I think there's something you should know
I think it's time I told you so
There's something deep inside of me
There's someone else I've got to be
Take back your picture in a frame
Take back your singing in the rain
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man

All we have to do now
Is take these lies and make them true somehow
All we have to see
Is that I don't belong to you
And you don't belong to me yea yea
Freedom,
Freedom,
Freedom
You've gotta give for what you take
Freedom,
Freedom,
Freedom
You've gotta give for what you take

Heaven knows we sure had some fun boy
What a kick just a buddy and me
We had every big shot good-time band on the run boy
We were living in a fantasy
We won the race
Got out of the place
I went back home got a brand new face
For the boys on MTV
But today the way I play the game has got to change
Oh yeah
Now I'm gonna get myself happy

I think there's something you should know
I think it's time I stopped the show
There's something deep inside of me
There's someone I forgot to be
Take back your picture in a frame
Don't think that I'll be back again
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man 

Well it looks like the road to heaven
But it feels like the road to hell
When I knew which side my bread was buttered
I took the knife as well
Posing for another picture
Everybody's got to sell
But when you shake your ass
They notice fast
And some mistakes were built to last

That's what you get,
That's what you get,
That's what you get,
I say that's what you get
That's what you get for changing your mind
That's what you get for changing your mind

That's what you get,
That's what you get,
And after all this time
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes
Do not make the man

All we have to do now is take these lies
And make them true somehow
All we have to see is that i don't belong to you
And you don't belong to me yea yea
Freedom,
Freedom,
Freedom
You've got to give for what you take
Freedom,
Freedom,
Freedom
You've got to give for what you take
Yea you've got to give for what you, give for what you give

May not be what you want from me
Just the way it's got to be
Lose the face now
I've got to live I've got to live

Hah! I just did an entire American Idol style performance of that in my head * takes a bow and sits down gracefully*

Thank you, Thank you.