# 100 - Someday I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday

I've lately been having dreams of escaping this place, of getting away. Not just for a vacation, but permanently shifting out of this place I am in. I am truly beginning to feel that professionally, academically, financially,and personally, there is nothing left for me here anymore. 

I need to make a move. I need to be out of this place, out of this country, and leave everything behind. It is not about wanting to 'run away', it is about 'moving on' with life. Sort of like having a start to a 5-year plan. InshAllah.

I feel uneasy, like the calm before a storm, and I need to remain collected and get out before it is too late. I need to start and act immediately, and I cannot let anyone get in my way. Everything is just going to go downhill from here, and I don't want to be around when it crashes.

# 99 - WOW

Today, I had a few moments of infinite, beautiful clarity.

It was much needed.

Thank you God. You are the best.

# 98 - You think I'm weak, I think you're wrong.

Is it not just the most annoying feeling in the world when people underestimate you? It can be in the field of work, or study, or usually, and more commonly you will find, that people think that you are 'weak', or not emotionally strong enough to bear/undertake/withstand this, this or that.

It angers me to no end. I am not afraid to ask for help if I need it, I know that we all need to sometimes, but if there is anything that I hate is being pitied or taken for granted. There are two aspects to this:

1- Pity : Oh dear, look at her, such a lovely girl, pretty, from a good family, well-educated and earns a decent income,  why o why can't she find a good guy? POOR THING, LETS ALL PRAY THAT SHE GETS MARRIED REAL SOON BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY SHE MUST BE DESPERATE TO GET MARRIED -IT'S NOT THAT SHE HAS A LIFE OF HER OWN, AFTER ALL, ISN'T THAT JUST THE ENITRE POINT OF ONE'S LIFE?? 

.... I mean excuse me? 

What the f*** is it to you if I am in my mid twenties and not married yet? Am I living on your money? Do I look like I am desperate all the time?. Of course I want to settle down some day, and soon, but why can't everyone just leave that up to me, it is my life is it not?

2-Being taken for granted : This is my favourite one. It has happened with me at least once, or maybe twice, in my life, that I have been severely taken for granted. Just because I have been over accommodating it has been assumed that I will never really take that step and say 'STOP' or that I will always be there to take crap when it is presented. I won't. I have only done so far, because I cared, and I still care, but all my caring just stops a tiny weeny bit short of a little something I'd like to say is called 'self respect'.

 Learnt it the hard way, and I am still learning. Baby steps I guess :)

I feel much better now that I have vented. Let me share a picture of myself with you all. I normally would not- not really my 'blog-policy', but eh, what the hell, just this once.

I'm beautiful in my way, cause God makes no mistakes :)

# 97 - A nice weekend and some clarification

The last weekend I spent was really interesting. I finally managed to see a movie that Furree Katt and I had been wanting to see for the longest time:

Yes.

It was different from the book, but nevertheless, really, really, really creepy :s

This was one of the creepiest parts of the movie:

Come play with us...forever and ever and ever

After the movie we pretty much spent the rest of the night analyzing how it was different from the book, and kept getting weird  looks from Furee's brother and mom ( who also saw the movie with us- but had not read the book yet). Actually, if you have not read the book- it is a pretty lame movie.

I would like to make a mention of the director here, Stanley Kurbick, who is known for his talent in making 'unsettling' movies. Here is another one of his directed movies also adapted by a really famous novel called 'A clockwork orange' by Anthony Burgess. First read the book before you watch the movie, or else you won't enjoy it.

This movie also ends differently from the book

We even went online later on and discovered some blogs exclusively related to the movie, ( The Shining)  I can't really remember the links right now but I will post them soon.

As far has the clarification I was talking about; I heard through the grape-vine that quite a few of you do don't know how old I am.

Any guesses? :D