# 100 - Someday I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday

I've lately been having dreams of escaping this place, of getting away. Not just for a vacation, but permanently shifting out of this place I am in. I am truly beginning to feel that professionally, academically, financially,and personally, there is nothing left for me here anymore. 

I need to make a move. I need to be out of this place, out of this country, and leave everything behind. It is not about wanting to 'run away', it is about 'moving on' with life. Sort of like having a start to a 5-year plan. InshAllah.

I feel uneasy, like the calm before a storm, and I need to remain collected and get out before it is too late. I need to start and act immediately, and I cannot let anyone get in my way. Everything is just going to go downhill from here, and I don't want to be around when it crashes.

# 99 - WOW

Today, I had a few moments of infinite, beautiful clarity.

It was much needed.

Thank you God. You are the best.

# 98 - You think I'm weak, I think you're wrong.

Is it not just the most annoying feeling in the world when people underestimate you? It can be in the field of work, or study, or usually, and more commonly you will find, that people think that you are 'weak', or not emotionally strong enough to bear/undertake/withstand this, this or that.

It angers me to no end. I am not afraid to ask for help if I need it, I know that we all need to sometimes, but if there is anything that I hate is being pitied or taken for granted. There are two aspects to this:

1- Pity : Oh dear, look at her, such a lovely girl, pretty, from a good family, well-educated and earns a decent income,  why o why can't she find a good guy? POOR THING, LETS ALL PRAY THAT SHE GETS MARRIED REAL SOON BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY SHE MUST BE DESPERATE TO GET MARRIED -IT'S NOT THAT SHE HAS A LIFE OF HER OWN, AFTER ALL, ISN'T THAT JUST THE ENITRE POINT OF ONE'S LIFE?? 

.... I mean excuse me? 

What the f*** is it to you if I am in my mid twenties and not married yet? Am I living on your money? Do I look like I am desperate all the time?. Of course I want to settle down some day, and soon, but why can't everyone just leave that up to me, it is my life is it not?

2-Being taken for granted : This is my favourite one. It has happened with me at least once, or maybe twice, in my life, that I have been severely taken for granted. Just because I have been over accommodating it has been assumed that I will never really take that step and say 'STOP' or that I will always be there to take crap when it is presented. I won't. I have only done so far, because I cared, and I still care, but all my caring just stops a tiny weeny bit short of a little something I'd like to say is called 'self respect'.

 Learnt it the hard way, and I am still learning. Baby steps I guess :)

I feel much better now that I have vented. Let me share a picture of myself with you all. I normally would not- not really my 'blog-policy', but eh, what the hell, just this once.

I'm beautiful in my way, cause God makes no mistakes :)

# 97 - A nice weekend and some clarification

The last weekend I spent was really interesting. I finally managed to see a movie that Furree Katt and I had been wanting to see for the longest time:

Yes.

It was different from the book, but nevertheless, really, really, really creepy :s

This was one of the creepiest parts of the movie:

Come play with us...forever and ever and ever

After the movie we pretty much spent the rest of the night analyzing how it was different from the book, and kept getting weird  looks from Furee's brother and mom ( who also saw the movie with us- but had not read the book yet). Actually, if you have not read the book- it is a pretty lame movie.

I would like to make a mention of the director here, Stanley Kurbick, who is known for his talent in making 'unsettling' movies. Here is another one of his directed movies also adapted by a really famous novel called 'A clockwork orange' by Anthony Burgess. First read the book before you watch the movie, or else you won't enjoy it.

This movie also ends differently from the book

We even went online later on and discovered some blogs exclusively related to the movie, ( The Shining)  I can't really remember the links right now but I will post them soon.

As far has the clarification I was talking about; I heard through the grape-vine that quite a few of you do don't know how old I am.

Any guesses? :D

# 96 - God Bless the broken road

The above line was taken from a song sent to me by a colleague of mine. I have simply fallen in love with it. 

Many times in life, bad things happen to us, and when they do, it seems like our whole world is falling apart. Everything we dreamed of shattered to pieces, sometimes the wounds don't heal, but sometimes,( and more often than not) these shattered dreams pave the way for something bigger and better that we had not even imagined.Some times we just need to have a little faith;

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through

Faith in ourselves,but more importantly faith in God. Do your part as much as you can, but if things fail, don't give up,if your plans falter, don't lose faith- it just means that God has a better plan for you that you are not aware of. Islam tells us 'The Best of Planners is God' - 

Of course with us being human, it is easier said that done- we just love to complain :)

I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Sometimes I feel that we do need to experience the 'bad' in our lives so that we can truly appreciate the good when it finally comes along.

Every long lost dream, led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way,into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

# 95 - What am I forgettting?

Noways I feel that there is something constantly nagging me at the back of my mind, telling me that I am forgetting something.Especially with stuff regarding office work.I have gone over my to-do lists over and over again, but I just can't seem to figure out what exactly I am not doing. I hate this feeling, it makes me feel all queasy in my tummy.

I have a few more 'thorough' blog posts in the mental pipeline which I shall share soon-until then.

# 94 - 'It' doesnt matter because you don't matter.

You don't. Not in the long run at least. As per one random facebook status update I read : 'How much do you invest in something that is doomed to failure?'

Yes, it is doomed to failure indeed. You are a stranger, actually. I barely know you, I didn't even know that you existed until just a little while ago, and if it is doomed to failure, then I don't want to know you in any context.

I think that's for the best.

# 93 - Responsible Blogging (Not)

Nowadays with everything that is currently happening in my dear country, I feel like it is my moral responsibility to blog about it and put in my two cents worth.

But I am not going to.

Don't we hear enough of it on the news?  :p

I'd rather just blog about myself/share an amusing anecdote or just ponder out loud about how life sucks/is so wonderful/whatever else I might be feeling at the moment. 

Isn't that what blogs are for? ; That you can share anything, say anything and have friends, (aka fellow bloggers) read and understand. 

One never has to be 'be careful' of what they say, have a fear of appearing too aggressive, too needy, too confused. It does not matter how old you are, what faith you follow, or how much money you have,the blog-world understands and accepts all.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if the real world could be like this too?

# 92 - I wish I was more like you,and you, and er... you too.

I have realized that I really do not give myself enough credit. I am too good and I deserve better than what I have been given. I do not blame God for it, I only blame myself.
I accepted what came my way, even though I had the power to say 'screw it' make something better for myself.

This picture seemed relevant....somehow

 

If you notice a lot of my blog posts are about this. I sometimes feel like I have self-esteem issues,major ones. I have been struggling to get past them, it's not like I have not made
progress,but it is so hard, so difficult sometimes.How much longer will I take before I can say 'I just don't give a damn" and really,really mean it?

I want to not care or be bothered by a lot of things. Have you ever noticed that it's usually the most cold-hearted people, the ones who don't seem to give a crap are the ones who seem to be the most loved and admired? What a sick irony of life. I don't want to become one of them, but sometimes I feel that in order to survive, I will have to.

It's disgusting,really.

# 91- 'Shadi Mubarak' to Kate and William and how facebook went crazy on it.

Quick translation for those who don't speak Urdu;

Shadi Mubarak = Congrats on your wedding

So today was the royal wedding, no one at work was working until 3:30 pm,which was after the vows had been taken,and as expected, everyone on facebook had their own opinion of what was going on. Some of my friends were lucky enough to be in London while the whole thing was going down, and er...boasted accordingly on their status updates.....like this:

Oh my God...FLYING Balloons!!....whats next?...cellphone that makes CALLS?!! *GASP!*

Apparently the fact that the balloons were...er..flying was the big punch line here. Truly,truly amazing. I would never have expected that.


Then there are some people who were so inspired, they thought that they were royalty and wanted the other sister,not realizing that, er.... William was the prince, not the other way around.

And some who were inspired in other ways as well.

Some were actually funny.

haha- I mean it.

LOL

This one was by FAR my favorite:

and it's original

And some who were just being plain smart-asses copying from joke websites:

Thank you Sickiepedia.com

 Some boasted their knowledge of designers.

and some...... well. you decide for yourself :)

I am so going to hell for this.

Please forgive me God.

# 90 - Prose anyone?

I've been reading a few blogs lately which write some awesome prose. A lot of it is very emotional, sad, touching and other emo words which I can use to describe them but cannot think of right now because I am half asleep as I write this.

I've been thinking of giving it a go myself,I have written some of it down, and it's pretty emo. I am reluctant to post it because I am afraid of sounding like I am a lovesick puppy/depressed/suicidal/attention seeking/needy - which I would really like to think that I am not. -_-

I really want to post them,but I feel that I will just feel stupid about them once they are 'out there' and then want to delete them, which will make me feel even more stupid.

I really do not know what to do.

# 89- There is a ghost in my bathroom!

oh yes there is.

I've been meaning to post about this for some time now as well - but somehow have not managed to yet. (As is the case with a lot of my posts-but this one has been a major exception) Maybe it is this that is preventing me from exposing its evil secrets:

I am pretty sure it's not this cute

So the reason for my suspicion is that there have been some rather strange phenomenon in my bathroom for the past few months or so:

1) The Water:  The hot/cold water balance seems to have a mind of its own. Living in Karachi,Pakistan, you would have to know that you are extremely fortunate if you do not have any major water problems in the area that you live, which thankfully,I don't. The water works fine in every part of the house except for MY bathroom. Everytime I have to wash my hands/take a shower the cold water suddenly stops working and all im left with is boiling hot water to burn my hands,hair and other cannot-be-named body parts with. Whenever this happens I have to just stop whatever I am doing and just wait with soap in my eyes,hair etc until all of a sudden the cold water starts working again.


2) The Spiders: Normally, house spiders are normal, non-threatening creatures that like to mind their own business and don't really bother you if you leave them alone. BUT WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE IN MY BATHROOM?!!!

I iz in ur bathroomz watching you poopz

There is nothing interesting in my bathroom for them, except for the occasional mosquito or two.So why would they be there? I have no idea.

3) The Dust- Ok this is just me being lazy and blaming it on the ghost. But you never know.


 

# 88- The family wedding and my family and other animals- Part III

Its been some time since I posted and before I give you the details as to where I have been, I need to finish the due post on the wedding. So first things first, let me continue the story (which has probably lost its charm by now) and just get it out of the way.

A few random funny things happened, mostly inside family jokes which you guys will probably find really lame... and then we all went home

The end!

Whew now that that is out of the way, let me begin afresh.

# 87 - Rant

I know, I know I was supposed to write part 3 of 'The wedding post' but I haven't really 'ranted' on my blog for the longest time, been just keeping things to myself and it's time I just let it out.

Ever since my protests, things have been better, but, now I have realized yet one more thing: I care too much about what people think. I need to be more assertive. I really, really need to not care. This does not mean that I turn all 'bitchy', but I really need to keep in mind is what I think is more important than, well not everyone, but what I think is more important than what a lot of people think.

I need to be more assertive, and not fret when things turn tense.

So there you go now, no more Miss Nice Girl.

# 86 - Thank you!

I have been very blessed to be blessed ( is that a real phrase?) with not one, not two, not even two and a half, but THREE blogger awards this past week, and I really really want to thank all those who presented me with it.

First of all, Thanks to Lev [ I don't know his real name ;) ] from The Diary of a Liar for presenting me with the versatile blogger award. He's a great writer and for those of you who haven't yet, should really check his blog out.

 

 

Next I would like to thank Sana Castellano from  A life worth living her wit and humor always brings a smile to the face of anyone who reads her blog, it's like magic! She presented me with the 'The Nice Blog Award'

 

and last but not the least I would like to thank the adorable Maryam from The Different Girl who thought I was stylish ( Yaay!) and gave me this:

Ok, and now to award the awards to other people; I have already done so previously in another blog post for 'The Stylish Blogger' and 'Versatile Blogger' HERE and ALSO HERE. 

So now I am left with 'The nice blog award' which I present toooooooo:

1) Lioness without a pride - She is one of the nicest and sweetest people I have met online and her blog is really  worth a read.

2) AL !! - Her blog is hilarious! I love it! and it always, always makes me L(augh) O(ut) L(oud)!

There are other blogs too,but I have awarded them previously. I do not follow as many blogs as I would like to, due to lack of time, cause I feel that if you follow a blog, that blog becomes your friend, and you should comment on it regularly,not that just follow for the sake of 'following'   :)

Thank you all!  and I will continue with the 'Wedding Post' next time for sure!