# 94 - 'It' doesnt matter because you don't matter.

You don't. Not in the long run at least. As per one random facebook status update I read : 'How much do you invest in something that is doomed to failure?'

Yes, it is doomed to failure indeed. You are a stranger, actually. I barely know you, I didn't even know that you existed until just a little while ago, and if it is doomed to failure, then I don't want to know you in any context.

I think that's for the best.

# 87 - Rant

I know, I know I was supposed to write part 3 of 'The wedding post' but I haven't really 'ranted' on my blog for the longest time, been just keeping things to myself and it's time I just let it out.

Ever since my protests, things have been better, but, now I have realized yet one more thing: I care too much about what people think. I need to be more assertive. I really, really need to not care. This does not mean that I turn all 'bitchy', but I really need to keep in mind is what I think is more important than, well not everyone, but what I think is more important than what a lot of people think.

I need to be more assertive, and not fret when things turn tense.

So there you go now, no more Miss Nice Girl.

# 78 - Thought I'd tell ya'll what I do for a living

To put it plainly- I am a media planner who works in a media buying house.

But for people ( who are unfamiliar with the terms); it's the most complicated thing to wrap their minds around.

To start if off, most people in Pakistan, especially aunties, once they hear that you are working, for some God-knows-what reason, always assume that you are at a bank. It happens with me so often, and usually goes like this:

Random Aunite at Random Family Event ( to be now known as RARFE) : Sooo beta ( for my foreign friends, 'beta' is a term used to refer to someone who is or could be like your son/daughter) 'what are you doing now? Done with your studies?'

Me: 'Yes, I am. I'm working now'

RARFE: 'Ohh where.... at a bank ??'

Me:  'No, no I work at a media buying house.'

RARFE:  *gasp* 

 

At this point the only word the auntie hears is 'media' , and subsequently goes on to envision everything negative that is associated with the word, especially here in Pakistan. She does not even think of it as press, or journalism, all that comes to her mind is this

Hanging out with drunk celebrities..you know, 'media people'

or this

Other bad stuff

[ For some God-knows-what-reason as well, most aunties also assume that the only respectable job a girl can have is at a bank. ugh.]

Me: ( Now totally recognizing the aunties expression, having seen it so many times): Yes, but it's not what you think....

RARFE: really?You know, the media industry here is not a place for respectable girls like you

Me: No, but see I work in advertising-

RARFE:  *Gaspppp*  ( At this point, I am a little worried that she might choke to death with all the gasping - and to tell you the truth, a little relived as well)

Me: No, but I deal with research- (  around this point I realize that it's no point in explaining and just end the conversation or let it dwindle off onto another topic.

Just to clarify, I love my work, but it does not involve the above at all, even though it is fun most of the time, at work I am like this:

thats me at work ( not really me, it's some random pic I Googled off the net)

and my computer screen looks like this

 

 

Ok- this is one thing. Another common thing which happens is this- with younger people usually, who have no qualms about the word 'media' but don't really know what media planning is

So what do you do?

I'm a media planner

What's that?

Well, the company I work for buys advertising space on televison and magazines and on websites and I place ads there according to the target audience.

Ohh you make advertisements!

No, I don't make them, I just make sure they get seen

Huh?

Look, you don't just randomly place ads on tv right? You want to make sure the right people are watching them right? Thats my job, to place ads at the right time on the right channel

But how do you know what people are watching?

Research.. simple!

But thats not possible
Yes it is, we subscribe to software to help us find out- ever heard of TV ratings?

Yeah, but thats only in America

No, it's here as well

How is that possible?

Well, this is the 21st century you know..see.. there is company who selects a sample of people to...

(Waving away my explanation)  Oh you just put ads naa, what's the big deal in that?

I give up.

Questions anyone?   :)

# 73- Tomorrow is Monday and today is Sunday

Oh how I am dreading this Monday, this week has been a downward spiral, mentally,emotionally,professionally and a few other 'llys' as well.

And as usual its all my fault for not letting it be. You know what I do? I meddle too much with my own life, and then I regret it.

I say things and then I wish I did not, I do things and then I say oh crap.

Remember the 'protest week'? well I did it for 2 days at work and it helped!  so now, I am going to take it a step further and for the next..umm... 2 months I am going to expand my protest to outside work as well.

I shall have minimum interaction with anyone inside and outside of work until things get sorted out on their own, I will not speak to anyone  unless spoken to first, its not a matter of pride, its like one of those silence oaths those Indian/Buddhist Yogis take for self purification,  that is the only solution to water pollution. haha sorry, lame joke.

But seriously, from today, I am going to truly, leave it up to God. My work life was one step, and it showed improvement, my real life is the next!

This is one place I have that I can talk about my feelings out loud and I am so thankful for that.

Right now I need this to console me:

Drowning my Sorrows

# 71- When, if not now?

Nowadays all I want is to be free and feel like doing anything I want with no one to tell me what to do. 

I feel like staying out late, chilling with friends all the time, getting up late for work, wearing jeans everyday instead of only on 'casual friday' and not have to answer to anyone.

I want to go on an exotic vacation with 2 or 3 of my closet friends and not have to bother about the expenses it will incur. 

This would be nice

I feel like I'm acting out my teenager-ness at the age of twenty-si.....never mind. But seriously, when, if not now? I was more or less a goody-two shoes as a teenager, never did half the stuff teenagers get up to these days. But now I feel that since I have a job ( Thank God) and I manage my own expenses, and have finished my MBA ( with a very good GPA) and gotten out a relationship that had defined every goal I had for the past 7 years; I feel like just doing what I want all the bloody time.

 

It's not that I have no freedom at all, but if I go out more than twice week, I get grilled at home for it. ( For my foreign friends- where I come from,living at home with your parents in your twenties is as normal as moving out when you start college)

But I guess this feeling will pass, there is probably another underlying reason for it.What that is you might know.... if you would have read every blog post of mine since the beginning of time!

#67- Time for a change

I'm really quite tried of the way things have been going with me lately, I feel that I have been acting stupidly regarding too many things, overreacting, be too much, or sometimes responding too little. Its begun to agitate and annoy me now. Too many things just seem wrong lately. I need to stop having small everyday things which are TRIVIAL really, to effect me so much and get me down. I think something is wrong with the alignment of the stars 

Yeah, something like this.

 I am really beginning to think that I should STOP talking about myself, I earlier used to think that it is good and healthy to share and that it makes one lighter, but I think I do it too much- heck- I'm doing it right now on my blog! ( but that is permissible, I think)

 

 

I talk to too many people, I share my problems with too many of them, and here comes the big one: I am wayy to nice to too many people who don't deserve my 'nice-ness'. There I said it. I am so sick and tired of feeling so conflicted all the time as to what I said/didn't say might have been right or wrong. I am sick of trying to 'fix' things by 'doing' and 'saying' from today, vow, that I am going to accept that there are somethings that I just need to leave ALONE and let them  get fixed on their own.I just need to let.it.go. There are more important things I can do with my life, and me being super paranoid about everything does not really help either.

I'm so tried of being here

Suppressed by all my childish fears

So if you have to leave;

I wish that you would just leave 

So, there you go. Time for a change indeed. Let's hope it is positive and confidence-giving. I am going to post an update on my weight-loss goals next!

# 60- oh dammit! FBL - (facebook life)

Happy New Year all!

Welcome to my very first blog post of 2011. Ok, so getting to the point. I'm sure all of you internet buffs know about FML ( f*** my life) and MLIA ( My life is average), websites where people come and post their life's most messed up,embarrassing, or just plain average moments.But I think none of them can compare to the amount of 'facebook induced' incidents which plague our lives everyday. 

 There is no escape. There is no hiding from it.And there is no privacy.

It is so funny how some people are so, well, I won't use a word as strong as 'obsessed' but well, you could say they take face book so seriously that one would think that it's a matter of life and death.

Every post, every ‘like’, every comment is scrutinized for seem deep hidden meaning that is always aimed directly at YOU.

‘oh my God, did you see that? I changed my display picture and everyone commented on it except for her, she is so totally jealous of me, I don’t believe it- HOW RUDE”. – and they will go on and on about how jealous the individual is – the fact that the person in question might have not even logged on to facebook in three weeks cause they actually have a life will not cross their minds!

I have a rule that I like to stick by, usually. That is –

Whatever happens on facebook, stays on facebook. The end. It is not be considered a part of real life nor is to be taken as seriously.

 Someone made a catty remark on your ‘oh so serious’ and philosophical status.- It does not mean they are out to get you, nor do that fights that seem to ensure on a controversial status update or post

‘He was rude to me on facebook, therefore I will not talk to him properly in person’ 

‘Really? What happened?

He thinks that my Farmville posts are annoying he wrote that on my wall- IMAGINE

Oh my God! That’s horrible! – BLOCK HIM

I do understand that sometimes people tend to mean things on facebook- uploading unflattering pics of the ones you want to embarrass, etc, but that is, I have observed. minimal in comparison to the all mountains out of molehills that people make.

They expect to be able to view everything on each of their friends profile, and you find out that you cannot see someones photos. You assume/deduce that you have been put on that much feared list- the limited profile

OMG I can’t see her photos, when the rest of my friends can. Whatabitch! – BLOCK HER!

This one is my favorite though and really takes the cake-where Facebook is the sweetest form of revenge ‘She was SO rude to me at the party the other day, what does she think of her self? I need to get back to her somehow I know!…. I WILL PUT HER ON LIMITED PROFILE.’ Yeah- like that is worst thing one could do to someone… heh.  

And so on.

The above post was inspired by hours of stirring conversation regarding FBL with my dear friend Furree Katt who owns the awesome blog The Jackky Bhagnani Obsession.

# 44- Eat.Pray....***PUKE***!!

Yes, that is EXACTLY how I felt after I saw this movie. THIS is what was supposed to be like a super hit? What has happened to peoples standards, I cannot believe people actually thought this movie was full of wisdom and enlightenment; it's more like Paulo Cohelo threw up all over it after eating some slightly off 'Chicken soup for the Soul' The movie is a blatant display of everything that is wrong and warped about the western world.

Ok, there is woman who is happily married, has a husband who loves her and a great job, she has friends, and lives in New York or something and thus I am sure she does not face any water or electricity problems like we do....and she is stilll unhappy! I mean what the-? Talk about being thankless! No wonder she is unhappy, she suffers from the main problem that plagues the western world ( and by the way is now starting to effect ours) it is : CHRONIC DISSATISFACTION......CHRONIC DISSATISFACTION! that is what it is! That one is NEVER happy with what they have, they always want more more and more, with no matter what they get from life. It is a example of being absorbed so much in your own petty, selfish world  that nothing matters but what YOU want and how YOUR problems are more important than anyone elses. It is no surprise that American divorce rates are so high and that the family structure is so easily crumbling, because movies these are encouraging people to live for themselves ALL the time, instead of for others. - Ok giving yourself some importance is good, and needed sometimes- but it needs balance, you are not alone in this world.

Julia Roberts is one of favorite actresses but I so disappointed with the character that she chose to play in this move- it was cliched beyond words- and annoying! I mean just look at her - breaking promises and those poor guys hearts like she does have a thing called a conscience - just cause she wants to what is that phrase again "find herself" Find herself my foot- no wonder she spends most of the movie being unhappy- it is karma biting her in the ass!

It is very difficult to really feel sorry or empathize with the main character- just because it is too unreal- and shallow- she thinks she has problems, she has lived her life in upper class New York and when she has a crises- she takes a first class trip around the world to solve them- how does that address a real persons problems?-not exactly inspiring- it is the stuff of teenage dreams and those people who think Mills and Boon is quality reading material *puke yet again*

Way too much escape-ism in this movie for me- I'd like to see you face the real world. BITCH  :D