# 111 - My Savior

 I have God to thank that my gym routine has become my savior. With the almost unbearable work-related and personal stress that I been going through the almost-daily routine from 7 – 9:30 pm has given me a way to escape into a place where I can just be happy and feel good about myself. Yes, perhaps 2.5 -3 hours at the gym is really pushing it, and I don’t really know how this is going to effect my health but I believe with all my heart that InshAllah it will do me good.

Weight training is something which I have to do to tone, but what I love most is cardio, especially running, running for ages on treadmill. It at times drains the life out you, you feel like your heart and lungs might explode with exhaustion, but you feel alive, the pain, frustration and anxiety that you have experienced during the day burns out of you in a great steam of energy.

 By the time I get home I am usually beyond exhausted but you know whats the best thing about that? I’m too tired to think, and hence too tired to worry. This is the best drug I have ever come across and I hope I never kick the habit.

# 102- Titled Untitled

Remember the protest week that I had going on? Ah, it brought me such peace and quiet. I seem to have forgotten my leanings from that. I am now going to put it back into action again. (although not in such an extreme way)

There was been way too much information in my head lately. Need to clear it out, by letting it 'evaporate' instead of sharing. That is why I am not writing it here! :)

In other news, I really need to get back to reading. I used to spend at least 2-3 hours a day reading back in school, and now it just seems like there is not enough time. I really miss those days when I would spend hours with a book. Now I have decided that I will restart it again. It will make me also, stay at home more, which will lead to me;

1) Spending less money, which will in turn help me save money to execute my long-term 'master plan'.

2) Eat less food from outside and therefore eat healthier.

3) Have some semblance of peace and quiet in my life for a change. 

Here are some of the books of my to-be-read-list.

Typical China VS Russia Spy stuff- with probably America saving the world in the end *eyeroll*

Second part of an AMAZING series. Overshadowed only by Harry Potter and LOTR

Love anything & everything by him, so will read it regardless

# 100 - Someday I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday

I've lately been having dreams of escaping this place, of getting away. Not just for a vacation, but permanently shifting out of this place I am in. I am truly beginning to feel that professionally, academically, financially,and personally, there is nothing left for me here anymore. 

I need to make a move. I need to be out of this place, out of this country, and leave everything behind. It is not about wanting to 'run away', it is about 'moving on' with life. Sort of like having a start to a 5-year plan. InshAllah.

I feel uneasy, like the calm before a storm, and I need to remain collected and get out before it is too late. I need to start and act immediately, and I cannot let anyone get in my way. Everything is just going to go downhill from here, and I don't want to be around when it crashes.

# 99 - WOW

Today, I had a few moments of infinite, beautiful clarity.

It was much needed.

Thank you God. You are the best.

# 96 - God Bless the broken road

The above line was taken from a song sent to me by a colleague of mine. I have simply fallen in love with it. 

Many times in life, bad things happen to us, and when they do, it seems like our whole world is falling apart. Everything we dreamed of shattered to pieces, sometimes the wounds don't heal, but sometimes,( and more often than not) these shattered dreams pave the way for something bigger and better that we had not even imagined.Some times we just need to have a little faith;

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through

Faith in ourselves,but more importantly faith in God. Do your part as much as you can, but if things fail, don't give up,if your plans falter, don't lose faith- it just means that God has a better plan for you that you are not aware of. Islam tells us 'The Best of Planners is God' - 

Of course with us being human, it is easier said that done- we just love to complain :)

I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Sometimes I feel that we do need to experience the 'bad' in our lives so that we can truly appreciate the good when it finally comes along.

Every long lost dream, led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way,into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

#67- Time for a change

I'm really quite tried of the way things have been going with me lately, I feel that I have been acting stupidly regarding too many things, overreacting, be too much, or sometimes responding too little. Its begun to agitate and annoy me now. Too many things just seem wrong lately. I need to stop having small everyday things which are TRIVIAL really, to effect me so much and get me down. I think something is wrong with the alignment of the stars 

Yeah, something like this.

 I am really beginning to think that I should STOP talking about myself, I earlier used to think that it is good and healthy to share and that it makes one lighter, but I think I do it too much- heck- I'm doing it right now on my blog! ( but that is permissible, I think)

 

 

I talk to too many people, I share my problems with too many of them, and here comes the big one: I am wayy to nice to too many people who don't deserve my 'nice-ness'. There I said it. I am so sick and tired of feeling so conflicted all the time as to what I said/didn't say might have been right or wrong. I am sick of trying to 'fix' things by 'doing' and 'saying' from today, vow, that I am going to accept that there are somethings that I just need to leave ALONE and let them  get fixed on their own.I just need to let.it.go. There are more important things I can do with my life, and me being super paranoid about everything does not really help either.

I'm so tried of being here

Suppressed by all my childish fears

So if you have to leave;

I wish that you would just leave 

So, there you go. Time for a change indeed. Let's hope it is positive and confidence-giving. I am going to post an update on my weight-loss goals next!