# 78 - Thought I'd tell ya'll what I do for a living

To put it plainly- I am a media planner who works in a media buying house.

But for people ( who are unfamiliar with the terms); it's the most complicated thing to wrap their minds around.

To start if off, most people in Pakistan, especially aunties, once they hear that you are working, for some God-knows-what reason, always assume that you are at a bank. It happens with me so often, and usually goes like this:

Random Aunite at Random Family Event ( to be now known as RARFE) : Sooo beta ( for my foreign friends, 'beta' is a term used to refer to someone who is or could be like your son/daughter) 'what are you doing now? Done with your studies?'

Me: 'Yes, I am. I'm working now'

RARFE: 'Ohh where.... at a bank ??'

Me:  'No, no I work at a media buying house.'

RARFE:  *gasp* 

 

At this point the only word the auntie hears is 'media' , and subsequently goes on to envision everything negative that is associated with the word, especially here in Pakistan. She does not even think of it as press, or journalism, all that comes to her mind is this

Hanging out with drunk celebrities..you know, 'media people'

or this

Other bad stuff

[ For some God-knows-what-reason as well, most aunties also assume that the only respectable job a girl can have is at a bank. ugh.]

Me: ( Now totally recognizing the aunties expression, having seen it so many times): Yes, but it's not what you think....

RARFE: really?You know, the media industry here is not a place for respectable girls like you

Me: No, but see I work in advertising-

RARFE:  *Gaspppp*  ( At this point, I am a little worried that she might choke to death with all the gasping - and to tell you the truth, a little relived as well)

Me: No, but I deal with research- (  around this point I realize that it's no point in explaining and just end the conversation or let it dwindle off onto another topic.

Just to clarify, I love my work, but it does not involve the above at all, even though it is fun most of the time, at work I am like this:

thats me at work ( not really me, it's some random pic I Googled off the net)

and my computer screen looks like this

 

 

Ok- this is one thing. Another common thing which happens is this- with younger people usually, who have no qualms about the word 'media' but don't really know what media planning is

So what do you do?

I'm a media planner

What's that?

Well, the company I work for buys advertising space on televison and magazines and on websites and I place ads there according to the target audience.

Ohh you make advertisements!

No, I don't make them, I just make sure they get seen

Huh?

Look, you don't just randomly place ads on tv right? You want to make sure the right people are watching them right? Thats my job, to place ads at the right time on the right channel

But how do you know what people are watching?

Research.. simple!

But thats not possible
Yes it is, we subscribe to software to help us find out- ever heard of TV ratings?

Yeah, but thats only in America

No, it's here as well

How is that possible?

Well, this is the 21st century you know..see.. there is company who selects a sample of people to...

(Waving away my explanation)  Oh you just put ads naa, what's the big deal in that?

I give up.

Questions anyone?   :)

# 68 - Everyone loves a conspiracy theory, or; there is NO spoon! you're the one, Neo!

 I always used to have a over-active imagination.I grew up watching the X-Files and I loved every bit of it, and it was from there that my passion for wanting to believe that there was more to every thing 'out there' than what we just saw at face value.

       Yeah,like that  

Well, The X-Files was just a first step, then came 1984, and random late night shows on the Discovery and History Channel talking, and then of course 'The Arrivals' a documentary made by what can be best described as student level film makers who made so many people truly believe that the whole world is secretly being ruled by evil Jews people, who are brainwashing every person on this planet with their own evil agendas of world domination.

Well, to be honest, I don't really have anything against people who are Jewish,Christian or anything for that matter.To each their own, but what does amaze me is how so many people over the years have actually come up with such unbelievable stories as to what is really happening in the world, and they seem so far-fetched but said with such conviction and such strange proof that even the most hardened skeptic has to pause and give it a thought

Below are some of my favorites ( not favorite in the sense that I believe them 100%, but in the sense that, well, no matter true/false they may be, you have got to admire the theorist for being creative!)

1)  The Free Masons are ruling the world and have infiltrated every major financial and media institution and have been preparing the world for the coming of the Anti-Christ for the the past thousand years.

     EYE I want to believe

2) What Holaucaust?  ( Ok I really hope I don't get into trouble now)

This is just a conspiracy theory ok? I am not propagating anything, I am merely saying that this belief exists..somewhere out there.

3) We are all actually plugged into the 'Matrix'  ( I could even find a quick link to this one! *GASP* what does that really mean?)

     You'll have to settle for a picture

4) This one is just despicable- I won't even comment. If it is true it's the worst of all

There are tons more out there, whats the one you find most intriguing?

# 62 - Missing keys,clips,receipts and parallel universes

Have you ever had a hairclip, a pair of keys, sunglasses or some other random item just disappear into nowhere from right in front of your eyes and remain missing for an indefinite amount of time only to resurface in the most unexpected place hours/days/weeks later.

A worm-hole traveler in your very home

No one knows where they go, or how they come back, no one comes and goes into your room except for you, yet these random items seem to appear and disappear out of their accord.-Sometimes from your very own handbag.

I am sure I didn't even need to ask this to anyone in my opening sentence, it happens with everyone, and there is only one logical explanation for it:


The parallel universe.

Yes. It really exists A self-contained separate reality coexisting with one's own, and sometimes these little odds and ends somehow vanish into the other world, so that we can be bothered by their absence until somehow they manage to return.

For somereason this does not effect people, I wonder why, I would rather like to see what Oz is like.

# 60- oh dammit! FBL - (facebook life)

Happy New Year all!

Welcome to my very first blog post of 2011. Ok, so getting to the point. I'm sure all of you internet buffs know about FML ( f*** my life) and MLIA ( My life is average), websites where people come and post their life's most messed up,embarrassing, or just plain average moments.But I think none of them can compare to the amount of 'facebook induced' incidents which plague our lives everyday. 

 There is no escape. There is no hiding from it.And there is no privacy.

It is so funny how some people are so, well, I won't use a word as strong as 'obsessed' but well, you could say they take face book so seriously that one would think that it's a matter of life and death.

Every post, every ‘like’, every comment is scrutinized for seem deep hidden meaning that is always aimed directly at YOU.

‘oh my God, did you see that? I changed my display picture and everyone commented on it except for her, she is so totally jealous of me, I don’t believe it- HOW RUDE”. – and they will go on and on about how jealous the individual is – the fact that the person in question might have not even logged on to facebook in three weeks cause they actually have a life will not cross their minds!

I have a rule that I like to stick by, usually. That is –

Whatever happens on facebook, stays on facebook. The end. It is not be considered a part of real life nor is to be taken as seriously.

 Someone made a catty remark on your ‘oh so serious’ and philosophical status.- It does not mean they are out to get you, nor do that fights that seem to ensure on a controversial status update or post

‘He was rude to me on facebook, therefore I will not talk to him properly in person’ 

‘Really? What happened?

He thinks that my Farmville posts are annoying he wrote that on my wall- IMAGINE

Oh my God! That’s horrible! – BLOCK HIM

I do understand that sometimes people tend to mean things on facebook- uploading unflattering pics of the ones you want to embarrass, etc, but that is, I have observed. minimal in comparison to the all mountains out of molehills that people make.

They expect to be able to view everything on each of their friends profile, and you find out that you cannot see someones photos. You assume/deduce that you have been put on that much feared list- the limited profile

OMG I can’t see her photos, when the rest of my friends can. Whatabitch! – BLOCK HER!

This one is my favorite though and really takes the cake-where Facebook is the sweetest form of revenge ‘She was SO rude to me at the party the other day, what does she think of her self? I need to get back to her somehow I know!…. I WILL PUT HER ON LIMITED PROFILE.’ Yeah- like that is worst thing one could do to someone… heh.  

And so on.

The above post was inspired by hours of stirring conversation regarding FBL with my dear friend Furree Katt who owns the awesome blog The Jackky Bhagnani Obsession.

# 45 Sunday 'Bizarre'.....

Finally Finally after ages there was something fun to do on a Sunday. i.e Sunday Bazaar shopping! I finally convinced my dad to take me along with a couple of my cousins. We left at about 12 pm and after hours of walking around in the heat, the sand and sun we back home covered head to toe in dust with our 'spoils of war' and it was totally worth it.

I love shopping at Sunday Bazaar, there is nothing that one cannot find there- from fake Gucci bags ( which look quite real) to Chinese rabbits to exotic vegetables which would even put the imported vegetables at Ebco/Aghas to shame. Do you know you get fresh broccoli there? At one-sixteenth the price and three times and fresh that would get at any fancy grocery store here. A real bargain if you are trying your best to eat healthy like me and are force- feeding yourself broccoli so I can feel cool that I am eating American Type vegetables. :p ( that was a joke- I swear! Down with America!- ok that was a joke too- please don’t shut down my blog Mr. Google :s)

Ok enough with the digressing;

Of course my favorite thing to get from there is BOOKS, books and more books. It is a book lover’s paradise! ( I know there are other places in Karachi where you get even cheaper books with a wider variety, but that’s too far away :P) Every time I go there I buy a truckload and I never get to finish reading them even until my next trip when I go buy even more books and so my book-unread book pile is growing more than ever.

Anyway back to Sunday Bazaar- one gets to observe so many interesting things there- I went to the bag section to see if there was anything good I could find – and I saw this woman at one of the stalls looking at wallets from all brands around the world. She picked up this little brown one which had .C.H.A.Y.N.AL printed in bright gold on its front, and her convo with the shop keeper went something like this:

Woman: Yeh wallets imported hain?

Shopkeeper: haan baji, imported!

Woman: (Picking up the C.H.AY.NA.L wallet) ‘Kya yeh original Chanel hai?”

Shopkeeper: Haan Baji. 100% original! From Paris!

I stood there watching in amusement and shock, I had at least expected him to say “First Copy hai”, and I almost went up to that female to tell her she was being made what was the first four letters of the “original brand”  but then I was like forget it- The shopkeeper has to earn. and the poor lady will at least have the happy feeling that she has an original Chanel- it’s better than no Chanel at all! Right?! So I decided to step back and let things take their natural course: P

Now feeling very satisfied with my good deed done for the day, I moved on to the next stall which was selling some rather good stuff for everyday wear at a great price, it even had a very creative poster which would one at least come and take a peek to see what was being sold- what are these 50 ROPES?? :D

Till the next Sunday Bazaar update then-

# 42- groceries and more

I heart grocery shopping, and I love grocery stores, especially the bright,shiny air-conditioned ones with wide aisles, and all the colorful things they have so nicely arranged on the shelves. * sigh!* For some reason, they make me happy, lighten my heart and make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Grocery shopping is like a fun outing for me, as lame as it might seem to most of you. I take the biggest trolley I can find and zoom around the isles, looking at things, comparing prices, reading nutrtiional info, checking and rechecking my shopping list to see if anything else is needed. My favorite is course, the food section - no surprises there. I have a million recipes in my head and try see what all I can experiment with.

There are somethings which I hate in these self- service grocery stores, one of which are those damned BTL marketing people who stand there/follow you around with convincing to you buy/try something which you obviously don't have time for. It happened with me one time that I was happily going through the cereals section (hmmm Blueberry Special K or chocolate wheatabix?.. decisions  decisions..) Anyway my very important thought process was interpreted by this female in the wildly maroon coloured clothes and  bad make up:

 Her:'Hellooo Maaam, how are you?"

Me: "Err... I'm fine, I guess"

Her: "Great, I wanted to tell you, that did you know that hair loss is the number # 1 hair problem for women today"

Me: ( quickly adjusting my hair, trying to see if my bald spot was visible- damn it for me I am so short that most people can very easily see the top of my head :p) "Uh... really? Um...I didnt know that......"

Her: " Yes, and I think YOU could use this hair fall prevention cream it is.....dadadadda..." 

( after  which I pretty much zoned her out and just smiled and nodded hoping that she would shut up, and made my escape at the first opportunity I got)

Ok- moving on to the more pleasant aspects of the grocery store -Loyalty Cards! I simply love them, and I have one for my favorite  grocery store in the....well, city. ( I won't say which particular place I am talking about since I might have some potential stalkers who might be reading my blog and/or following me around - but let me assure you that loyalty cards are amazing, not only they give you discounts, but cash back as well which you can use whenever ones pocket becomes light. 

I HATE it when people do not have any courtesy while navigating themselves though the aisles, they just push you aside like it's not groceries, but Gul Ahmed having its annual 70% off sale.Please people- grocery shopping is an art, a very under-appreciated simple joy of life- cherish it.

# 41- Oh yeah.....work!

This blog, as I have mentioned countless times before was originally intended to be a diet blog which would follow my endeavors of weight loss and get me motivated to lose these annoying extra ten pounds that I have been carrying around ever since I started working.

Never really got around to that though, I just seem to write about every random thought that comes to my head. I am over all ok with it, but then sometimes I see the other blogs that people write. People who work in the advertising/media industry like I do and along with their "life" updates they post all these 'astute observations' about the current marketing/ ad scene in Pakistan,a long with their oh-so-insightful recommendations that would put Kolter to shame ( it was Kotler right?- been ages since I opened a textbook) ( TEXT book, I love reading books otherwise-just clarifying)

Anyway, not to be left behind, I thought that I should also share my  marketing wisdom with the world, but. but. but. writing about it is so TIRESOME- I don't want to make my blog look like a marketing class- no offense to 'The idea Artist' - which is one of the blogs I follow that one is good cause it is meant to deal with marketing, what does calories in half a teacup of whatever have to do with it?-  don't get me wrong, I love my job, being a media planner, although it being just a wee tip of the ice berg, is still very enriching job to have- learn something new everyday..... Ok done! I said something serious, grown up and marketing-ish, do I really HAVE to give my input now over 'Engro Rupya', or 'Mobile Hai Internet?'   

:P

A few Blogs which I find very read-worthy these days

The Nerd Archives    - cause Nerds are so cute!

The Jackky Bhagnani Obsession - awesome personal updates

# 39 - Time Warp

Wow now just see this- I an unable to write for weeks and suddenly now I am going on a written rampage. Two posts in the same day!  ( Yes, that is mildly sarcastic)  Looks my muse is in commune with me once again.

Anyway, I was just pondering, about random stuff like I usually do and I have realized that apart from when I have a deadline due at work, (bah!) time has slowed down SO much lately!. Each minute takes at least three times the amount of time to pass. I want things to move ahead already, I want to know what happens next, and even though there are certain things that I must do in order to make those things happen, I want that do be DONE and see what's up ahead. I have never felt so impatient ever.

I hope it comes along soon, or else God give me patience.

# 38- Incy Wincy Spider(s)

Who likes Spiders? No one really. But as of late I have been forced to make acquaintance with them as a couple of them ( and they really are a couple) have made their home in my bathroom and just refuse to go.

I don’t really know what to do, I am not sure how to evict them and I don’t want to be all evil and KILL them so I decided to  pretty much just let them to be their own lives- provided they don’t interfere with mine.

Pervy Male Spider

There is a Mrs. Spider who lives near the window above the pot and she just SITS there all they catching a random mosquito or some other tiny insect that happens by and when ever I climb up to see if she is still there she runs and HIDES under the grill as if I am stupid and won’t know she is there! I almost did away with her, but then felt sorry for her husband, who also by the way resides in the same room. He by the way- is a real perve! I never see him around except when you know, one WANTS to be alone in the washroom and all of a sudden he will be there staring at you. very very rude.

The In-denial female Spider

Only yesterday I was there brushing my teeth when all of a sudden I see him happily making his way around the sink, I had a sudden impulse to drown him right there! But then I thought of his poor wife who sits there and catches food for him all day, ( even though he SO does not merit it ) ( Seriously girls, whats with all the self sacrifice? Some guys just DON’T deserve it!

Anyway, I have somehow learnt to live with these two, its been a couple of weeks now and I have not suffered any spider bites and since Dengue season is here, I hope these two will repay my hospitality keep those dammed mosquitoes at bay,

Anyway here are some photos for proof. They are very low res-but my phone camera sucks. I had to rewrite the labels on TOP of each photo in case you are wondering what that scribble is.

And my bathroom is  not as crappy as it looks in the photos, believe me, the camera REALLY sucks

# 30 - Can't Sleep. Won't Sleep

It's almost 4 am, in fact by the time I finish writing this is will be way past four, and I cannot sleep. I hate it when you stay awake past 2 am and then you get past your sleeping threshold and then it's just....insomnia. That's the time when I spend searching for random articles online, download random songs, go through photo albums of the random est  people on facebook ( who by the way, have no idea what 'privacy settings' mean, - and which does not really matter anyway since facebook sells all our info to third party marketers anyway- you seriously think Mark Zukerberg or what ever his name is that innocent? How do you think he became a billionaire at 25?)   

I have digressed. As I was saying, I hate this time of the night, it makes me think of every thing wrong with the world, even if something is not that bad, the night seems to magnify the issue, which makes sleep go away even further, I hope they daytime comes soon, things always seem better in the daytime.

At least I am home though- I feel safe- At least in someway.

Yup it's past four am now, I think it should be daylight in an hour or so, I hope it comes soon, I am contemplating going for an early morning walk and then coming back and sleeping till the afternoon-which should hopefully help while away the Sunday- oh did I mention I totally dislike Sundays?.... They used to remind me of going to  my  nanis house for lunch, or being taken to sea view for a drive, or a family get together or picnics.Now they just hang over my head telling me that Monday is right around the corner-

Growing up sucks.

# 28 - Nothing Really- part 2

I'm sitting at home on friday night with nothing to do, no one to talk to except me and my blog. It's really become a good friend to me now. It's a good listener. I'm so bored today, it's depressing. I'll have to think of something interesting to do tomorrow. This really will not do.

On  a lighter note - I am getting a pet cat! yaaay! I can't wait.He's not born yet, ( and I am totally assuming it's going to be a HE" but his mom is preggers with him and once he is old enough to be on his own, say in a month.He's miine. I've even thought of a name for him, E.L.V.I.S cause he is going to be a rock star! :)