# 59 - The food blog

 

I thought that I ought to write a post related to what my blog was originally intended to be about - I do that sometimes. Ok, So my diet/exercise is going pretty well now, have lost 7 pounds and umm i guess 7 or 8 more to go. I can't wait. I hope it  really happens.

I've really turned around my eating style, nothing too heavy in the morning or at night, and I eat normally in the afternoon/evening time, it really helps your digestion process or something like that.

What I ate for lunch today:Mushroom Soup

Weight training and Tae-Bo is also helping me in a major way. You have no idea of how even 15 minutes of weight training a day can help you tone, it's crazy difficult but really pays off.

It 's a funny story how I discovered Tae-bo, it was an the end of this ancient Jane Fonda video that my sister-in-law had bought years ago, and boom! I had a whole new perspective

on exercise!

I also have a pair of 2 Kg weights at home which are also a great help.

I don't really need to use anything heavier than that so it's cool.

Ok, I'm not perfect though, in the process of writing this article I also ate some of these:

                                               A little bit of what heaven must be like

BUT, this just means an extra half an hour of exercise today, I think I'll manage it.

# 58 - It's freezing!

It's freezing here in my city, and although I thought winter had come weeks ago, it really seems to have hit now.

The weather forecast says its 9 C but I think it has to be at least 6 or 7. I'm so cold, I should go and wear some socks.

# 57- I'm not that girl

I got a recommendation to read 'The Wizard of Oz' from a dear friend today, she said it was a pre-requisite for this book called 'Wicked' which is a prequel or something to the original book, and it's supposed to be really good.

I don't believe it, I had seen the movie so many times as a kid, but I never read the book, now that I am reading it, it's actually quite nice. The kind that is a obviously meant for kids, but that the adult who likes to read books would also enjoy. I am really zooming through it cause I can't wait to read Wicked. It's been made into a musical as well, and has a really nice song (which is the title of my blog post today).

I love reading old books, especially like  these. Books which are good make my heart glow with happiness when I read them, and many of you will think that I am being very over dramatic here, but some of you may understand.

On another note, the year is finally drawing to a close, and oh.my.God. What a year it has been.

Hands touch, eyes meet,
sudden silence, sudden heat
hearts leap in a giddy world.
He could be that boy,
but I'm not that girl 

An illustration of my life this year

I feel like I have grown as a person so much this year. It has been one major emotional and mental roller coaster ride, which is not exactly over but still, I think over the past 361 ( about 4 days left) I have somewhat learned to ride the roller coaster without shutting my eyes in fear. I feel a wee more confident that I can take on the next dip that comes along ( which would be the 'x' marked on the graph right here.

Don't dream too far, don't lose sight of who you are,
don't remember that rush of joy.
He could be that boy,
I'm not that girl 

 I really am not the girl that I was before.I wouldn't say I'm better or worse, just different. I do at times miss the way things used to be, cause I was used  to them being that way, now suddenly everything is different.

( Notice I tend to write a lot without giving too much away, I don't think I need to, I guess by being vague people might be able to relate more to what I write, as they can adapt my words to their own frame of mind)

Every so often we long to steal,
to the land of what might have been,
but that doesn't soften the ache we feel
when reality sets back in

# 56 - Update

I wanted to update everyone that I am still here even though I have been neglecting my blog a lot.

That happens when I tend to be a little on the happy side MashAllah. ( not that I mean this blog to be depressing or anything, but for some reason I tend to write a lot more when I am feeling a little down cause it helps me to feel better).

But this is not right, no matter what my mood is I do not want to lose my commitment to blogging, hence here I am again.

I have some ideas for a few more posts but I need to take some photos to accompany them, once that is done I shall post something more readable.

# 55 - The heart always wants what the mind resisits.....

Why must it always be so?

Why does ones heart always go in that exact direction where your mind puts a great big STOP sign. The bigger the STOP sign, the brighter the flashing lights warning you to turn back the more forcefully ones heart stomps away in that very direction.

It can be anything from a matter of the heart ( haha a made a pun! WIN!) to a matter of avoiding that leftover chocolate bar in the fridge, to putting the snooze on the alarm for just five more minutes even though you know it going to make you late for work, when you have already used up all the lates for the month.

So why do we do this? Why are we always irresistibly attracted to that which we know is totally wrong for us? Why in the battle of the heart and mind, the heart almost always tends to win, and if the mind does manage to get the occasional victory, it leaves it usually too exhausted to reap the befits of the win.)

( notice I am careful in my wording, I use the words 'almost always' and 'occasional' and 'usually' - so don't blame me for generalizing)

Anyway my diagnosis of the situation is that we as humans tend to be inherently  self-destructive. Yes, that is the crux of it that is what we are. We live to destroy ourselves, mentally,physically and emotionally, and those who don't well.... I'd say they are a little selfish don't you think?

As a famous writer ( I forget the name) said -  "There is a pleasure in being mad, that none but mad men know"  

This may seem out of context, but it makes sense to me.

#54 - OMG am I back? am I back?

Apologies to my handful or so of readers who might have been missing me. But I had been suffering a major mental block and not to mention had (thankfully) been very busy, so did not have time to write. Now I feel that this was being majorly unfair to my dear blog.

I thank God now that life is better than it was before, i have lost 5 pounds! ( that means I have reached 25% of my goal), I got a mild promotion at work, and I made a couple of new friends, God has been kind and my blog helped along the way.

There are still a few things which keep lingering on my mind and heart, maybe by the time the new year dawns I will have figure a way out. But I am not going to rush it, I am going to let it simmer. Rome was not built in a day, and patience is virtue.. ( Ok now I am going to stop with the lame-ass adages and talk about something more interesting).

but like what?....

maybe I need a few more days to get the cogs in my mind turning.

# 53 - Starting my journey ahead- now this blog is finally relevant

Ok, This is it! This is finally finally it. I am sick and tired of my unhealthy life style ( having mainly a desk job)  and at constant failed attempts at trying to get rid of these nagging 15 pounds that have been the bane of my life of the past two years! I have been cooking my own food for the past few weeks, been trying to get moderate exercise, but this just not seems to be working. I need to rev it up!

One of my best friends is getting married in a few months and I have to have to look good on her wedding, I am thinking of wearing a 'sari' to one of the events, and though it's not like I am really fat, I certainly don't have the look to pull of a sari at the moment.

So I have decided to start weight training, um, since the past four days. Oh man, it is waaay harder than it seems and takes a lot of you, it may only be 2 kg weights but I think it already shows a minor ( very minor) difference.According to the internet, a new exercise savvy acquaintances and a few health magazine articles it's the fastest way to lose weight and build metaboilsm. ( did i Spell that right?- whatever)

Ok, so updating here I am currently 14 pounds ( ideally 19 ) away from my goal. 14 should not be to hard right?- WRONG. It's when you have little weight like this to lose that it becomes hard! 

Anyway, so losing weight also means healthy eating and that means baking and grilling stuff is the way to go. For some odd reason since we shifted houses my dad bought this really cool stove.....but without an oven.I wanted to buy one but being a little low on cash these days received a generous donation from my uncle, low and behold:

Ok, so it's not really an oven, it's an old outdated type of oven-toaster. But it's the kind that is likely to work and will help me turn out nice stuff which looks like this:

 Ok, ignoring the pasta on the side, yes I am actually make stuff like this now. 

So hopefully my new friend the 'Oven-Toaster' will help me churn out healthy stuff which will help me get to where I need to be!

# 52 - Indifference is bliss, or is it?

Ever feel like you are forgetting things that you aren't really supposed to forget?

I'm not talking about Alzheimers, :p I mean if one is starting to feel indifferent about things that ought to matter but suddenly... they don't. It's not even about becoming uncaring with with a don't-give-a-damn attitude, it's more like the things which loomed over ones head for ages,things which you obsessed over to no end start to eventually fade.

It is supposed to be a good thing I suppose, but one gets so used to worrying that when the worry is not there it feels... weird! Like I am feeling now. I know a certain thing in my life is supposed  to bother me, that would be the normal thing to do, but recently...it's not.Am I supposed to be relieved? I don't really know!

They say time fixes a lot of things, I believe that too, but you would think that 'time' would also take some 'time' and move in an orderly manner- and not suddenly fast forward your feelings,thoughts and emotions to what you think they ought to be six months from now! It's not supposed to be so fast, that means it's gonna come back and smack you in the face- it's like being on a cabbage soup diet- you lose weight for a week and then it comes back on-with GAS!

How can one know for sure!

That's another thing I hate- not knowing! Yes, life in it's very nature is uncertain for all of us, but at least if one knows what they want they can focus toward it, if they don't get it, they can say 'chalo koi baat nahin Allah malik hai'  ( Does not matter, God will look out for you).

So to summarize, sometimes it sucks when you don't get what you want, but what happens when you don't know what you want?  Yikes!

# 51 Writing for the sake of writing

I have not written anything in the past few days- been bogged down by the Eid holidays. Doing nothing is really very tiring. I seem to feel more relaxed and alert when I am busy. I was actually thinking of taking a few days off work to get some errands done, but I have come to realize that I would probably end up wasting my time. The only time I would really like to take a few days off work if I were going for a vacation somewhere- which should be due soon, I hope.A place like this would be nice:

How I would love to take a couple of weeks off and go to place like this! Just to relax on the beach and breathe the fresh air.Get away from it all and come back refreshed and renewed

Ok, back to reality;

So, since tomorrow is Monday and this long long five-day weekend comes to an end. I find myself actually, mildly looking forward to it. See how enthused I am. Work starts in five hours and I am already, actually, still awake typing away randomly.





I am not too worried about being late for work, I am sure I shall manage- for once I have packed my lunch (A brown bread sandwich with grilled chicken and Tabasco sauce), ironed my clothes, ( same old thing I have worn before- I need to go shopping). I do need to clean out my handbag though, it's over flowing with recipts and gum wrappers. I think I'll do that sometime later this morning.

# 50- Eid, long weekends and loving goats

Eid Holidays and a five day weekend! A rare occurrence but nevertheless a welcome one. It's been a long time since I have had a long holiday like this- it's good, although just a little bit boring. Most of this Eid is spent in... you know how it is, I don't need to describe it.

Anyway, since almost everyone has their own funny goat-related stories to tell, I am going to tell mine; we had two goats which we kept at an aunts house, since they have a nice garden with lots of space for them to roam about. Really cute they were milling around seemingly oblivious to their impending doom- or were they? I don't really think so; cause my cousin saw them two days ago going full 'brokeback mountain' on each other if you know what I mean- yes they were both MALE. I think they were just trying to make the most of their last days. I am not going to judge- it's a free world. I was thinking that it would be funny if they were mountain goats, cause then I could call them 'Brokeback Mountain-Goats' :D

Well, that was yesterday, and this is today. The goats are gone and I am going console myself on their loss with a nice plate of lamb chops  * evil smile*

This is not really a picture of one of the goats, I just googled it and put this one on, I forgot to take any pictures of them

# 49- I 'think' i'm paranoid

Hence the thinking that I am or might be, paranoid might be a part of the paranoia itself-

I have been told that I tend to 'over think' and derive conclusions where they might not even remotely exist, and in the process drive myself absolutely insane. I try not to do this- but I always end up doing it- the over flowing waves of thoughts travel in waves from the impossibly positive( which is not technically paranoid since its connotation is negative) to the absurdly negative and my mood rides the wave with it. I need to find balance! 

Sometimes I over think to the point that it starts to effect my interactions with other people. I will be fine with them one day and then I'll get a about of thoughts from what could be ( or maybe could not be?) the most insignificant action of theirs and create a tornado of thoughts where there might be just a small puff of breeze.

I suppose I sometimes do this because there have been times that I have bypassed things as being insignificant and then have them get out of control and knock me off when I least expect it. Hence I think it's better- (provided you don't drive yourself insane) to be paranoid.

Ok since I have also made it a point not to just whine whine whine all the time, I am going to talk about something else. I started exercise again ( finally) here is to a thinner 2011.

# 48 - The pursuit of Happiness!

I wonder sometimes what is that makes a person happy, or what exactly causes a person to ‘find’ happiness. Is it luck? Karma? The fruits of your prayers? Hard work? No one really knows.

My dear readers, although I know most of you are young (like me) but are probably wise beyond your years ( unlike me) as you take out the time and effort to read my lovely blog, tell me, do you think it is true that a person can never be truly successful/happy/loved unless they are happy with themselves first? And that no one can feel good about you unless you feel good about yourself? Not ‘feel good’ in a proud way, but being content with oneself as an individual.  You know, the whole ‘loving yourself before you can truly love others’ thing – Others bring friends, family or whatever else. The logic behind this is I assume if you don’t need anything for yourself- as you are already content- then you can give freely to others. Make sense?  :S

Maybe there is some truth to this- if we keep pondering about how much our life sucks or  keep whining and complaining all the time- will it really help us feel better? No one likes a cry baby-

# 47 - Waiting for tomorrow

It's late at night and I am very sleepy. But I still write this because it was about time that I thought I should update my blog. It's three AM, and the insomnia has kicked in once more.I want it to be morning soon so I can get on with my day, run all those pending errands that need to be done.

I started typing thinking I would have a million things to write, but right now I am to sleepy to think- I'll probably watch mindless television or read a random book until sleep comes.

# 46- Breaking Free &The smell of winter time

Winter is the air! Finally, after months and months of melting in the heat, it is finally here. Yes, we have to put up with chapped lips and dried out skin and hair-but it's definitely worth it. I love it when you can smell the winter- it got that distinctive whiff that dries your nose from the inside and has this sharp pine like smell- love it.

 It makes me feel a multitude of emotions at once happy, hopeful, pensive, sober, sometimes sad and reminiscent or sometimes it just makes me day dream. I love wintertime nevertheless. At least I get to dress in my cute winter gear and look all….cute.

On another note, I feel that I am slowly molecule by molecule, breaking free of old habits and ways. I suffer the occasional setback, but I shake it out of my mind and set myself back on track again. ( I am not a recovering alcoholic or anything like that- but I might as well be- what I was on was the worst drug in the universe- IGNORANCE.) Maybe for the first time in a long time I am beginning to see clearly and I pray that God that I keep getting the clarity that is very slowly, like slime off a wall,seeping in. 
It’s a slow painful process, but it’s there- and where there is slime, there is hope.

(Ok, that did not come out as nearly as poetic as I had hoped)

# 45 Sunday 'Bizarre'.....

Finally Finally after ages there was something fun to do on a Sunday. i.e Sunday Bazaar shopping! I finally convinced my dad to take me along with a couple of my cousins. We left at about 12 pm and after hours of walking around in the heat, the sand and sun we back home covered head to toe in dust with our 'spoils of war' and it was totally worth it.

I love shopping at Sunday Bazaar, there is nothing that one cannot find there- from fake Gucci bags ( which look quite real) to Chinese rabbits to exotic vegetables which would even put the imported vegetables at Ebco/Aghas to shame. Do you know you get fresh broccoli there? At one-sixteenth the price and three times and fresh that would get at any fancy grocery store here. A real bargain if you are trying your best to eat healthy like me and are force- feeding yourself broccoli so I can feel cool that I am eating American Type vegetables. :p ( that was a joke- I swear! Down with America!- ok that was a joke too- please don’t shut down my blog Mr. Google :s)

Ok enough with the digressing;

Of course my favorite thing to get from there is BOOKS, books and more books. It is a book lover’s paradise! ( I know there are other places in Karachi where you get even cheaper books with a wider variety, but that’s too far away :P) Every time I go there I buy a truckload and I never get to finish reading them even until my next trip when I go buy even more books and so my book-unread book pile is growing more than ever.

Anyway back to Sunday Bazaar- one gets to observe so many interesting things there- I went to the bag section to see if there was anything good I could find – and I saw this woman at one of the stalls looking at wallets from all brands around the world. She picked up this little brown one which had .C.H.A.Y.N.AL printed in bright gold on its front, and her convo with the shop keeper went something like this:

Woman: Yeh wallets imported hain?

Shopkeeper: haan baji, imported!

Woman: (Picking up the C.H.AY.NA.L wallet) ‘Kya yeh original Chanel hai?”

Shopkeeper: Haan Baji. 100% original! From Paris!

I stood there watching in amusement and shock, I had at least expected him to say “First Copy hai”, and I almost went up to that female to tell her she was being made what was the first four letters of the “original brand”  but then I was like forget it- The shopkeeper has to earn. and the poor lady will at least have the happy feeling that she has an original Chanel- it’s better than no Chanel at all! Right?! So I decided to step back and let things take their natural course: P

Now feeling very satisfied with my good deed done for the day, I moved on to the next stall which was selling some rather good stuff for everyday wear at a great price, it even had a very creative poster which would one at least come and take a peek to see what was being sold- what are these 50 ROPES?? :D

Till the next Sunday Bazaar update then-