My new Blog

Hi everyone!

I have started blogging again but this time with my own name, not an alias :)

I still want to keep this blog somewhat private so I won't post the link here but I will message each of you on your blogs individually if I can and send the link there.

Please do check my blog out and follow me if you wish! :D

Thanks and love!

Smokey Cat

113 # - The Return

I don't know why I really haven't been able to write for the longest time. A while ago I think I even forgot that I had a blog, or that I used to blog, or that a world existed where I would to explore, share my thoughts, and read what others have to say. This was a place where I would come to when I felt down and let all my thoughts and feelings out, so why did I stop?

I guess life got in the way, some bad, mostly good. Thank fully. But I realize now that that is no reason not to write, or to stop. After all, this blog I know will always be there, whenever I need it, so it would be wrong if I just left it here, and let it be, like it wasn't ever there.

So much to catch up on, I really haven't been doing much except for work. There have been other changes, major changes in my life. But I think they deserve a blog post of their own :)

# 112- I need to blog more often

I can't believe I let an entire month go by without posting anything. This is not good. I need to make time. I need to write. I have a lot of stories to tell.

# 111 - My Savior

 I have God to thank that my gym routine has become my savior. With the almost unbearable work-related and personal stress that I been going through the almost-daily routine from 7 – 9:30 pm has given me a way to escape into a place where I can just be happy and feel good about myself. Yes, perhaps 2.5 -3 hours at the gym is really pushing it, and I don’t really know how this is going to effect my health but I believe with all my heart that InshAllah it will do me good.

Weight training is something which I have to do to tone, but what I love most is cardio, especially running, running for ages on treadmill. It at times drains the life out you, you feel like your heart and lungs might explode with exhaustion, but you feel alive, the pain, frustration and anxiety that you have experienced during the day burns out of you in a great steam of energy.

 By the time I get home I am usually beyond exhausted but you know whats the best thing about that? I’m too tired to think, and hence too tired to worry. This is the best drug I have ever come across and I hope I never kick the habit.

# 110 - Ever try that?

Have you ever tried to do something that you haven't tried before? Did it ever work? 

For example have you ever tried just kicking a habit that you had been stuck with for a long time? Not just tapering it off but just changing like *snap* cold turkey?

Like one day you just stop having caffeine, or start going to the gym, or stop watching that Godawful indian drama series that your mom insists on watching everyday, or sometimes just stop interacting with those people who have become bad habits?

There are a few people I know who have become bad habits for me, and I need to stop talking to them. Trouble is, sometimes I don't know what to think.

# 109 - Gym

I have finally started going to the gym! It's been a month now and it's been helping me feel better. I have not lost any weight in pounds, but I lost in inches and am generally feeling better.

My trainer said that my metabolism is slow and I need to keep it revved up by weights and lose calories by doing cardio. I also, as we all know need to eat 6-8 small meals a day instead of 2-3 big ones. This is the biggest challenge and it really is easier said than done. Espcially if one is working. Imagine, I need to pack 4-5 tiny lunch boxes when I go to work and half the time I end up not doing it. It is so much hassle. Plus all the work stress these days leaves little time to actually think of so many things to eat during the day! 

My workout routine is the following

Monday: Upperbody weight training + 45-60 minutes cardio

Tuesday: Lowerbody weight training + 45-60 minutes cardio

Wednesday: Core training+ 50 minutes cardio

Thursday-Saturday ( repeat of Monday-Wednesday)

All this easily comes to about 90 minutes of exercise a day, 6 times a week. *gulp* I haven't really gotten into the routine yet. It's only my first week on this upped intensive plan. Hope it goes well, I need to lose 4 pounds by the end of October!

# 108 - Frozen inside

Lately I've not been able to blog, not been able to comment on any of the blogs I follow ( sorry) not been able to read the books I want do, or meet the friends I miss. 

Work has lately been drowning and draining the life-blood out of me. I have not been able to think straight. I can't get my self to do anything apart from that, I feel like a zombie.

The only positive thing that I have managed to do is that I have been going to the gym (finally!) but that coupled with my unhealthy eating habits and irregular sleep patterns has done something strange. I have lost weight but my body chemical composition, fat percentage, bone mass etc has become worse! My trainer says that it is because I not drinking enough water and that I am actually...not eating enough at the right times. ( I was basically just having brunch and then dinner at work) I guess I need to rearrange that now.

I just needed to put things down on paper, so to speak to get this out of my head.I'll try to make more sense in my next post.

#107- The way I jinx electronics

Are you one of those people who somehow, without doing anything, manage to eventually ruin every piece of electronic machinery that they have? From MP3 Players to watches, nothing is safe.

Why does this happen and why does this happen only to me? In the past 7 years, I have been through 6 cellphones, a gazillion watches, 3 mp3 players, 3 laptops, 4 laptop chargers, and 10 mobile phone chargers. I am not careless, I take care of my things, I really do! But somehow they just manage to fall apart in my hands.

I think they ought to send to me disable those American nuclear devices that are hidden everywhere.

# 106 - It's not you, it's me

Inspite of it all, I am ready to forgive you, and forget everything .In fact I already have. But we cannot be together anymore.

It's not that I don't love you, I just love myself more.

# 105 - Take a walk with me.( Here we go again) – Part 1

I feel it coming once more, here we go again

Where? Where are you going?

Well, well are not literally going anywhere. I meant it metaphorically

I knew that, I was just saying.

Oh. Okay then. But let’s pretend we are going somewhere, would you like to walk with me?

Sure.

Sorry, it is getting a little dark here.

Where are we by the way?

In the deep recesses of my mind

I see, is that why it is so dark in here?

It is not always so dark, sometimes there is light

Ok, but why not now?

I am not sure. I think I know the reason, but I might be mistaken.

Alright, shall we keep walking in the meanwhile?

Yes, I suppose we should, we need to find the light

It’s been a while now; do you even know where you are going?

I think I do, I hope I am not going around in circles.

Let’s just keep moving and see what happens.

I think I need to rest a while

But why? Why now? When you have almost gotten through the darkness?

I don’t ….. I don’t know. I don’t even know why I am doing this.

It is the right thing to do.

Are you sure? What if I should turn back?

That is something only you can answer for yourself.

If I could, then I wouldn’t be asking you

What I say does not matter. You need to decide for yourself.

You are right. Damn it. This place is like a maze….wait! I think I see some light in the distance

You do? That’s great! Let’s get to it!

No. Not right now. We must rest

Why? Its so close!

I know. I want to get there eventually But we must wait a while.

Ok, if you say so.

How much longer will we have to keep sitting here? I want to get a move on!

Not that long. Do you hear that?

Hear what?

That! That voice. It’s saying something

I can’t hear anything. Maybe only you are supposed to hear it.

Maybe.

# 104 - My city burns and my heart bleeds

I live in Karachi, one of the largest cities in the world. 18 Million people, a hundred different cultures, the industrial and commercial centre of the entire country, torn apart by warring political parties with innocent civilians getting caught in the crossfire.

We have become so immune to this violence that we simply forget what happens from one day to the other. 

I have some pictures of my city, and you will not believe that this is the same place....on different days of the same week.

 

 

 

 
 

 

 

How much longer will this go on for? For how long can we remain resilient before we completely break down?

# 103 - Random scraps of poetry and prose -*edit*

3I have a lot of things due on this blog. To give updates on my (trying) to eat healthy routine, my trying to save money , and write some book reviews. I am in a bit of a rush to do all that now, so I will just write about something else for now.

A while ago I wanted to write some prose on this blog, but then I decided against it. However, I would like to share some scraps of beautiful poetry/song lyrics that I have been hearing lately. I am sure that a lot of you must have heard them before, but I still wanted to share what was special to me.

First of all is ( at the risk of sounding so typical ) is a song from Coke Studio Season 4. 

For all those of you who are not from India/Pakistan, Coke Studio is a Pakistani television series featuring live music performances. The program focuses on a fusion of the diverse musical influences in Pakistan, including eastern classical, folk, and contemporary popular music. The show provides a platform for renowned as well as upcoming and less mainstream artists, from various genres and regions, to collaborate musically in live studio recording sessions - and this of course has been created and produced by Coca Cola- gaining immense popularity in Pakistan, it is now popular in India as well,with India producing their own version of the series.

Please, I request all non-Indians and Pakistanis here to google it, I am sure you all will find it very interesting. :)

So the song I was talking about is 'Panchi' ( Bird) - by the band 'Jal' and singer 'Quratulain Baloch'

Here is the link:

Panchi

The translations are not exact, but they are done so to explain the 'essence' of the song
 Since this song is a real favorite these days, I have edited this post to add in the whole song :) 

Panchi Hoon,
urne do,urne do
Hawaoon se larne do

Raste galiyaan...chhodh aya main
bhoole vaade todh chala main..
ye raat abhi dhal jayegi..
ye baat abhi badal jayegi..

main tanha hoon..
rehne do, rehne do..hoo
aansu hoon,
behne do

Tere Ishq mein jo bhi doob gaya,

usay dunya ki lehron say darna kya?

TRANSLATION:

I am a bird, let me fly,
let me fly
let me fight against the winds


I have left the old streets & roads behind
I have broken my long-forgotten promises
This night will pass 
These words will change


I am alone, let me be
I am a tear, let me flow

Whoever drowns himself in the love of God

does not need to fear the stormy tides of this worldly life

The next one is a song from a Bollywood movie,Delhi 6 called  'Arziyan' ( The requests)

Link: 

Arziyaan

Arziyaan sari mein chehre pe likh ke laaya hoon
Tumse kya mangu mein tum khud hi samjah lo
ya maulaaaa....

O Ek khusbu aati thi
O Ek khusbu aati thi

Mein bhatakta jata tha
Reshmi si maya thi
Aur mein takta jata tha
Jab teri gali aaya
Sach tabhi nazar aaya

Jab teri gali aaya
Sach tabhi nazar aaya

Mujhe mein woh khusboo thi
Jisse tune milwaya

( All my requests I have brought, written over my face
What do I ask of you,/ you perceive it all yourself....
O Lord, lord, lord, my lord,
O Lord...

A fragrance used to come,/ And I used to roam, lost,
It was a silken illusion,/ And I used to gape, aghast,
When I came to your street,/ I saw the truth...
The fragrance lay within me,/ you introduced it to me...)

Well these are two of the songs which I am really liking right now.

Basically the message they give is,  'you need not look too far to find the answers, everything you seek is already within you - and God can help you find yourself'

I will try and upload and entire playlist soon as well!

Hope it was inspiring!

# 102- Titled Untitled

Remember the protest week that I had going on? Ah, it brought me such peace and quiet. I seem to have forgotten my leanings from that. I am now going to put it back into action again. (although not in such an extreme way)

There was been way too much information in my head lately. Need to clear it out, by letting it 'evaporate' instead of sharing. That is why I am not writing it here! :)

In other news, I really need to get back to reading. I used to spend at least 2-3 hours a day reading back in school, and now it just seems like there is not enough time. I really miss those days when I would spend hours with a book. Now I have decided that I will restart it again. It will make me also, stay at home more, which will lead to me;

1) Spending less money, which will in turn help me save money to execute my long-term 'master plan'.

2) Eat less food from outside and therefore eat healthier.

3) Have some semblance of peace and quiet in my life for a change. 

Here are some of the books of my to-be-read-list.

Typical China VS Russia Spy stuff- with probably America saving the world in the end *eyeroll*

Second part of an AMAZING series. Overshadowed only by Harry Potter and LOTR

Love anything & everything by him, so will read it regardless

# 101- No time to breathe & cubicle wars.

This is the second of July and I am already going crazy. I have a favorite cousin over from Belgium and we together have a million things to do, a million relatives to meet and a million weddings to attend.

Along with all of that I have been going crazy with a cubicle war at work. There was this girl who went on maternity leave for a whole YEAR and when she came back she had her eye on this cubicle that I already had been sitting in. Since she is two levels of management senior to me, I think she was automatically assuming that I would quietly get up and move once she got there. *eye-roll*  This is exactly how the convo went:

Her: (Walking in and putting all her things on my desk) Hello how are you?

Me: ( Looking at her in shock WTF is she doing!) :Er... hi ( get your stuff off my desk!)

Her: Oh so will  I be sitting HERE? ( pointing to where I was ALREADY sitting)

Me: (Trying to look as calm as possible) Er.. I am sitting here!

Her: ( Giving an EVIL smile, and patting me on the head): NOT FOR LONG......

Me: :S.......

Anyway, I KEPT on sitting there and she kept hovering around my desk hoping I would move- I didn't dare. I didn't even get up to go to the bathroom. By the end of the day, I was feeling sick. But least I held on to the place. 

I may have won the battle but the war is not over yet! Let's see what happens on Monday.

# 100 - Someday I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday

I've lately been having dreams of escaping this place, of getting away. Not just for a vacation, but permanently shifting out of this place I am in. I am truly beginning to feel that professionally, academically, financially,and personally, there is nothing left for me here anymore. 

I need to make a move. I need to be out of this place, out of this country, and leave everything behind. It is not about wanting to 'run away', it is about 'moving on' with life. Sort of like having a start to a 5-year plan. InshAllah.

I feel uneasy, like the calm before a storm, and I need to remain collected and get out before it is too late. I need to start and act immediately, and I cannot let anyone get in my way. Everything is just going to go downhill from here, and I don't want to be around when it crashes.